


Romance and Responsibility

by unturnedstone



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Diligent Mark, Fluff, Go Getter Donghyuck, Light Angst, Longing stares and touches, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, best deep dive ever, but also interspersed with a relevant conflict, watched vids to character study these boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unturnedstone/pseuds/unturnedstone
Summary: Mark:   I like working. I like being productive. It points me somewhere.Donghyuck: But wherever that somewhere is Mark I don't want you to leave us behind.Donghyuck’s opinion?Mark is "overly responsible" or mostly he just misses him, so to spend more time with him he tries to enter Mark's world of schedules, post its and clipboards. And within that come the self–realizations, lingering stares and weighted touches from both parties
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

There’s a beat Mark feels in his steps when he’s getting things done at school and no this is not about to lead to him breaking out into a choreographed song and dance number. Club already has rehearsals for that, the dance part at least, and he admits that repeating the steps over and over in a room so hot the floors have permanent sweat stains doesn't have the same release.

At least in theory. He’s never lived in a musical.

He’s been running through corridors all day, the afternoon painting the school in a light orange glow. His white shirt a little damp even when he just changed into it from practice. Just earlier, from basketball, which took up most of his time throughout the day, then a meeting for guitar, then dance, then a group project and now this, a paper to be submitted in the faculty room on the other side of the building. He’s got a lot done today. He should be proud.

It’s like seeing wherever he ends his day with an invisible finish line. It feels great, Mark knows. Even as he’s walking out the door, paper submitted, everything he wanted off that checklist in his head crossed off.

The cafeteria keeps open even though no stalls are selling food anymore. Everyone’s just finding a place to meet their friends before heading home, sometimes together.

“How do you pronounce this word? Wa……Wa…..”

Lucas laughs too loudly, like always.

“Yah! You’re going to make him feel bad. Winwin just try it slower.” Yuta leans into Winwin’s space slowly urging him to try again.

“Yaaah I wasn’t teasing hahaha!” Lucas leans over the table and reaches out to pinch Winwin’s cheeks, “Winwin’s just too cute.”

“If anything you should be studying too. Your pronunciation isn’t any better.” Taeyong urges Lucas to sit back down seeing Yuta’s directed glare, laughing softly. Anyone who knows Yuta knows well enough to back off from any form of skinship with Winwin even when Yuta knows that Lucas would never mean it that way. Lucas is just oblivious. That still doesn’t stop Yuta from wanting to cut Lucas’ thumb and forefinger off.

Mark sits down to this rowdy group daily, today beside Jisung, as he pulls out his water jug, drinking in huge gulps. “Ah hyung can you take a look at my introduction? It’s the part I had the most trouble with in my last essay.”

Mark takes the paper without fail as if through muscle memory. He digs for his red pen in the front pocket of his bag.

“Donghyuck’s not yet here?” Mark was already scanning the first few lines.

The doors on the far end burst open along with the sound of Donghyuck’s open–mouthed laughter.

Everyone in the cafeteria turn their heads for a second to see who it is. Yuta shakes Mark across the table. “Maaaarrkk! Stop summoning him! How do you do it?!”

“Stop shaking me…” Mark says shrugging him off. He glances briefly at his best friend across the way as everyone at the table waves him over. His eyes go back to Jisung’s paper. He has to get this done soon before….

“Yah Mark Lee! Let’s go! I wanna get some ice cream on the way home.”

….before Donghyuck distracts him from finishing any substantial amount of progress…

Donghyuck sits down on the right side of Mark leaning over the paper to see what has him so preoccupied. “Just let me finish this. I just have to look over a few more sentences.”

“Okay.”

Even when Donghyuck says okay he leans his head on Mark’s shoulder which doesn't make Mark _feel_ okay. Donghyuck was warm and his hair was soft and messy, some of it tickling Mark’s neck. Mark tells himself he has better concentration than to be distracted by this so he powers through the rest of the sentences and hands the paper back to Jisung, pocketing his red pen.

“Just some minor grammatical errors.” Donghyuck was now wrapping an arm over his shoulder.

Jisung folds the paper and places it in his bag. “Thanks Mark!”

Mark can feel Donghyuck affectionately rubbing his head against Mark like a puppy, giddy and eager. He knows when Donghyuck’s just impatient to go somewhere, anywhere or just wants to get moving. Over the years Mark pushes him off less and less and he wonders if Donghyuck has noticed at all or was he too distracted by his own energy.

“Can we go now? Let’s go now!” Donghyuck was already handing Mark his backpack.

“Don't you want to spend some time with us?” Lucas says.

“Eeehhhh I see you all week, besides I got a Mark with no tests to study for or after school club duties cornered. It’s a special occasion.”

Mark did in fact have a plan to study for his test next week but he couldn't correct Donghyuck when he was on his happy high. He was planning on doing it at home anyway. Mark settles for smiling at him from the side and stands from the table.

“Thanks again Mark!” Jisung waves.

“Get home safe” Taeyong reminds.

Donghyuck and Mark wave back before stepping through the cafeteria doors and walking out.

“Hey did you take your bike today?”

Mark looks at Donghyuck curiously, “Yeah I always do why?”

“Ummm….let’s just walk. I forgot mine at home.”

“Why would you?.... Never mind. I think we can try riding two on it. I think I …”

“Awww cmon Mark! Don’t you want to spend more time with me. I haven’t seen you in maybe a week”

“What?! Hahahaha we just saw each other in the halls a while ago and we bike home together everyday”

“Yeah but whenever we do meet it’s between classes or you usually have another group project or club activity to get to. Come on pleeeeaaasseee.”

Mark doesn't understand. They would be hanging out even if they rode their bikes home. What’s so different with walking? But he looks at Donghyuck. He was pulling on his arm looking cutely at him, still whining waiting for an answer. Mark could tell Donghyuck missed him even though it sounds vain to say. Okay. Okay maybe today would be fine for Mark. And the thought of spending more time with Donghyuck does sound more and more…kind of nice, really nice. Donghyuck was still pouting at him.

“Hahahaha fine but don't forget to bring your bike next time. I’m still a little sore from basketball.”

Donghyuck perks up at that but still doesn't let go of his arm. Mark looks at Donghyuck smiling at him and he thinks if Donghyuck pouts or smiles like that at him he would’ve been happy to say yes anyway.

“No promises.” Donghyuck replies, winking at Mark. Mark rolls his eyes.

Mark unlatches his bike from the rack and they step onto the sidewalk.

Donghyuck asks catching up to Mark, “By the way, why did Yuta look so mad at Lucas this time?”

* * *

“You know I’m always scared to answer the Math problems on the board. I don't understand why they keep doing it. The problems would be answered all the same if it were done individually.” Mark listens to Donghyuck as they stroll down the sidewalk to their houses. Sometimes he forgets that Donghyuck has his own little fears. Donghyuck moves as if his body can’t contain his energy, sometimes speeding up his pace in walking or always finding something to do with his hands.

Their fingers are sticky, the ice cream melting in the late noon heat. Mark was barely making a dent while Donghyuck was already nibbling the top of the popsicle stick.

Mark goes through the list in his head of what he needed to do when he got home. He thought he was the same as Donghyuck but instead his energy was trying to find that list in his head to work on checking things off.

“Hey I don't like it when you look like that. You’re thinking.”

Mark’s thinking stops to a halt, “Hahahaha and what do you think we’re going to school for?”

“Touché.”

As they walk in front of the rows of houses, past street signs and crossing intersections, Mark’s bike was strolling alongside him with one hand on the handlebar and the other on his ice cream. The weather is clear and the leaves of the grass and trees softly rattling in the wind.

“I don't know it’s just you’re always inside your head Mark, at least lately. We have to spend more time together.” Donghyuck bumps their shoulders gently.

“We aren’t even talking that much,” Mark answers.

“Doesn't mean we aren’t spending time together. Don't you enjoy it? You know you’re very lucky to spend some time with me.”

Mark bumps his shoulders back with Donghyuck for being so humble. Usually he wouldn't answer a question like that. It’s just something left in the air and the no answer is the answer. But today he wants to reassure Donghyuck. Mark heard something in Donghyuck’s voice when he said he wasn't spending as much time with him and he feels guilty for not even considering it.

His reply comes out as a whisper because he’s still too shy with overly sincere moments “Of course I enjoy it…..”

Donghyuck’s a little shocked that Mark replied. But he smiles back at him all the same. Maybe a little softer this time.

_Be here Mark_. Mark tells himself. Be right here.


	2. Chapter 2

There are rewards, yes. Of course when you work as hard as Mark Lee there will always be rewards in some way shape or form.

For brief moments, Mark lets himself bask in these feelings because he knows if he didn't things would get heavy. He knows when to connect his actions with purpose. When Jisung walked up to him the other day thanking him for the help on his essay Mark smiles. “I only scanned it for a few moments. Hahahaha didn't Donghyuck even interrupt me that day? It’s all on you Jisung. You worked hard.”

Jisung turns shy and wants to say more. Mark’s too humble. Mark’s helped him with all his previous essays and homework. He knows that Mark doesn't dwell too much on those but he knows it counts for a lot. He settles for smiling at him, Mark pinching his cheeks affectionately then clapping a hand on his back.

Even when Winwin doesn't ask for any help, which Mark didn't think he needed to, he makes a study plan for him. What stopped him before giving it though was the thought of the territorial Yuta the other day.

“Take all the credit,” Mark says handing the study plan over.

“I’m not that mean.” Yuta states, but then he's beaming, already excited to invite Winwin over to his house. “Ill tell him you made it I’m sure he’ll be relieved…Thanks Mark.”

Yuta looks down at the papers and stares at it for a while. Mark’s pretty sure he knows what’s on Yuta’s mind, time with Winwin.

It’s sweet to Mark how much those little things bring out a different side of a person. A thought can make someone softer and not that Yuta is the most aggressive person out there but he was so different like this.

The list in Mark’s head never seems to end and sometimes when he reviews it and looks at how much work he has yet to do he’s learned to imagine moments like these when everything is finished and everything feels rewarding. There’s nothing he regrets ever starting if he remembers to connect those dots.

Donghyuck was walking by his side one afternoon, nothing new. He was trying to keep up with Mark which arguably to Donghyuck, Mark’s walking is closer to sprinting. Mark’s a little curious to why Donghyuck has been following him for this long. Usually he’d chat up a bit with Mark then Donghyuck would leave once he sensed Mark had a lot of things to do. Today, he keeps trying to keep the conversation up. That's something new.

“Let me help you with those books Mark.”

“No it’s ok I’ve got it Hyuckie thank you.”

“Hey what did you think of the music video I sent you last night? They did a really cool concept where...”

“Haven’t watched it yet. I will soon.”

Mark’s bulldozing over his feelings of cutting Donghyuck off. He knows Donghyuck means well but there’s a list that needs to be crossed off and he needs to build momentum now. He would be lying if he wasn't chasing some sort of feeling with it. If he opens the conversation up even a tiny bit he’d know everything would rip free to laughter and Donghyuck getting carried away as he takes Mark with him. But in this moment that means distraction. He wants to keep on schedule and there’s so much to do. Donghyuck just doesn't see that.

Mark plants his feet on the ground and turns to Donghyuck who was wondering why Mark stopped. “Sorry Donghyuck I really don't have time for this.” As soon as he says it Mark thinks to look away.

“You’re taking on too much again…”

It was the way Donghyuck said it so fast as if he was frustrated. And it was something in Donghyuck’s whining that slightly irritates Mark this time. Donghyuck whines to be cute most days. This doesn’t feel cute to Mark.

But he doesn't want to get mad. He stops, looking back and sees Donghyuck slightly deflated. Shit, if he had said even a syllable more he knew this would turn into an argument. “I’m still excited for Saturday afternoon Donghyuck don’t worry. We’re going to have a lot of fun. It will feel better if we wait. Just let me work on this…okay?”

Sunshiney Donghyuck. Ever reliable sunshiney Donghyuck. Even when Mark doesn't think his argument and comfort were that convincing he still turns to Mark and sees him smiling. He ties it on a little tight maybe still lingering with some disappointment.

“I’ll text Renjun and ask what he’s up to.” Mark isn’t jealous and he knows he shouldn't be when he’s the one sending Donghyuck away. _It’s to concentrate_ , Mark reminds himself. _It’s ok. Him and Donghyuck are ok._

Donghyuck looks up from his phone to Mark and sees he’s still standing there with an expression like he's waiting for Hyuck to say something. He thought Mark would be off working right now, back on his pace. Maybe he’s making sure him and Donghyuck are ok. It’s such a little almost argument, Donghyuck thinks, of course they're ok. He knows Mark’s always the responsible one. He does have to get back to his assignments. Mark was always worrying, always sweet. He stands there like he wasn't just asking to be set free from Donghyuck a while ago. Mark cares. Mark cares too much and to Donghyuck, sometimes it's infinitely sweet.

Donghyuck leans in to kiss Mark on the cheek. He doesn't even realize it after the fact. His cheekbone is so soft. Mark parts his lips a little and his eyes widen but something in Donghyuck is so calm and sure.

Maybe he’ll freak out about it later at night.

Renjun’s text comes in and Donghyuck wasn't even hoping for it. “I’ll see you Saturday Mark. Don’t sleep too late!” And then Donghyuck’s off, jogging probably to the cafeteria.

Mark’s standing there feeling like the only one affected. He hopes it doesn't show too much and starts to walk again to his bike. He shouldn't overthink it.

Oh no.

Whenever he thinks he shouldn't overthink it usually spirals. He’s already unlocking his bike. He didn't even know he was at the bike racks.

Everything was ok AND Donghyuck just gave him a cheek kiss. How could he choose between two momentums he wanted to get on.

It’s fine if the overthinking is worse. It’s fine if it’s about this. Mark speeds off.

* * *

It was such a long time ago that Mark couldn't remember the specific details, just the feeling. The first time he stepped foot in the library he was already thinking he had to get this over with. And that was a surprising feeling for Mark because he was never that impatient when he was working. Books were sliding in and out of shelves and the employee manning the counter rarely left the desk. He sits with his thermos of coffee, the steam rising so slowly. He hates it. Even for a moment looking outside he swore the birds and grass moved slower.

Mark liked his rhythm and he found that if things around him felt dense and relaxing it didn't match the energy he was going for. He could take the challenge of concentrating, of focus above the noise. He prefers it. Never an insect in a slow moving river.

So he was in his room with the radio played on a medium volume, a small wind up toy he picked up now and then, and his dog digging into his carpet. Mark was on his second project tonight.

His habits were a little tense but never unsure. His pen was clicking, foot tapping, voice humming the song they were learning in guitar. Same rhythm, same routine even with different things to work on. It does get boring. Maybe that’s why he got out of his chair to pace the room 5 times already.

What did Donghyuck say again?

That he was taking on too much?

He knew that that was what he said but why did he keep on wondering as if he didn’t remember. He needs to get back to work.

He knows it looks like he takes on a lot but it’s just how he likes to spend his time. He’s sure that the same could be said about most students, only that their extracurriculars are outside of school.

He pulls out his chair and shuffles his folder around.

And why does it even matter? For years Mark didn't feel like he changed his work ethic so drastically. He felt like it made sense so why all of a sudden ask these questions now?

In the low light of the desk lamp, the shadow between Mark’s brows deepens. He’s thinking hard. He feels a pulling sensation in his muscles, along his arms, down his face. He turns to the right and looks at the clock, staring through it. Nothing about getting back to work is sticking.

Mark yawns.

He slumps forward and takes in the list, the physical one this time, the one on the sticky note and not the one in his head. He looks at it and again stares into the distance that wasn’t there.

It does get lonely. He’s not trying to push that away but a lot of people depend on him. Why start on something if you weren’t going to do your best at it? And yes sometimes he is resentful that not everyone was considering everything like he was. Just a while ago his groupmate forgot to proofread his part and they had to look over it again.

Mark gets tired. He wishes for someone as responsible or meticulous as him. He isn’t ashamed to admit that. Maybe not out loud but admit that it does sound a little self–centered, a lot like saying the world needs more people like me. At least to be groupmates with. Whatever Donghyuck said to him it was pushed further into his mind by that cheek kiss.

The clock was still there and now Mark wasn’t looking through it. He has to get at least some of this done before he falls asleep.

* * *

Mark still slept with papers around him and he slept so unknowingly that he didn't even remember the moment when the night ended.

His friends were eating on one of the lunch tables outside one day. Mark wasn't there most likely working on something.

Donghyuck sits as usual, setting down his tray but on his face there was this look. Taeyong leans back setting down his sandwich. Let’s be honest, out of all of them only Taeyong would have the courage to ask Donghyuck what was bothering him.

But Donghyuck beats him to it.

“How do I help Mark with his work?”

Everyone at the table looks across to him. “What?”

“Mark’s been getting busier and busier.”

“That’s how he normally is isn’t he?” Jisung supplies.

Donghyuck starts shoveling down his rice.

“mmm….Yes but….don’t you guys miss him too?.. mmmm…… If I help him with his work he would have….mmmm… more time to hang out……..and even if he was like that normally doesn't make it right anyway….mmm” That last part was more to himself, spoken with pouty lips.

Lucas finds it cute but probably not the right time to voice that out. Instead, he says, “Don’t speak while chewing. We don’t wanna see that. We’re eating too.” Donghyuck waves him off continuing to shovel food. “Secondly, you’ve never been interested in helping Mark with his work before. What changed?”

“Nothing HAS changed and that’s the problem!” Everyone’s looking at him like he’s crazy. He doesn't like when that happens. He gets overexcited with his emotions no matter which emotion it is, yes. But if it was anger, Donghyuck would never want his friends to look at him like he’s letting it get the better of him.

He chooses his next words carefully, setting down his spoon. “I can’t… answer why I’m as concerned as I am now.” He averts his gaze now, down to his plate.” It’s just a feeling you know… It’s better than doing nothing about it right? Better late than never.”

Taeyong puts a hand on his shoulder for comfort. Donghyuck’s the most well-meaning out of all of them. It’s what he likes about him. He’s trying not to get carried away with his emotions now though which means Donghyuck thought this through more than he normally would.

Yuta interjects softly, “I wouldn't go just diving in helping Mark. Even if your intentions are clearly good Hyuck Mark’s set in his ways when it comes to these things.”

Donghyuck takes that in.

“Why again do you want to help Mark with his work Hyuck?” coming from Winwin, it’s said more caring than in disbelief.

Donghyuck’s the last person at that table to be excited about anything work or discipline related. He knows it. It’s not something he hides or is ashamed of. Maybe it does look ridiculous to them how he changed his ways about that suddenly. The thought of a more disciplined, list carrying Donghyuck……it's just not him.

And it’s not like he doesn’t know Mark is unyielding when it comes to his work. Just last time when he tried to carry his books it almost led to a petty fight. If he was to try to help Mark more consistently he would be poking the bear, approaching the dragon, waking a sleeping Renjun every single day. It would be risky.

But

“Maybe I’m selfish......I don’t know. I got tired of missing him, trying to spend more time with him and him always having something up. It’s always another thing with school, another thing with basketball. It gets frustrating hyung to keep trying. I’m getting tired. And I don’t want to make it sound like he has to choose hyung but it feels a lot like us vs. his work ” He leans into Taeyong’s side.

“Who cares if my intentions are selfish if it’s going to help Mark stop overworking himself, why should the reason matter?” When Donghyuck spoke that last part he noticed everyone at the table stopped eating. Maybe since he started speaking.

So much for letting the emotion get the best of him. Taeyong’s side looks a lot more like a hiding place now.

Everyone’s exchanging looks, Jisung, Winwin, Yuta, Lucas, Taeyong. Donghyuck doesn't want to know what they're thinking. He just hopes he didn't look too crazy spilling so much so fast.

Someone taps him on the shoulder and says “Hey hyung it’s ok. We miss him too.”

Jisung’s gone shy but tries his best. Even Lucas settles in quiet for a while. The look in their faces, they weren’t looking down at him from what he said. They looked more like they were mulling over missing Mark too.

Taeyong speaks up and turns to face him, “We’re not saying you shouldn't try Donghyuck just be careful with what you know about Mark. Like we said he won’t be too welcoming with it but I’m sure you already know that. You’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah Mark must miss us too.” Winwin adds. And that does make him feel better.

“Come on let’s finish our food.” Lucas says

Taeyong looks at the clock right above the cafeteria doors. “Yeah the bell’s gonna ring soon. Wouldn't wanna be late for next period.”

“HAHAHAHA sure hyung. _That’s_ why I said let’s finish our food.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NEXT UPDATE* is early Friday :D things get much sweeter!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POSTED two new chapters!!!! Can't wait for everyone to read them! I think they're pretty fluffy.....and we're only in the mid beginning of the story hahahaha

Donghyuck carried an armful of junk food all the way to Mark’s house. Imagine, a lonely teen walking through the empty suburbs swaying between the road and sidewalk while the swish of chips in the bag cuts through the neighborhood’s Saturday night sounds. He even had to knock on the front door with his feet, the sight of which gave Mark’s dad a good laugh.

Donghyuck climbs the stairs, keeping his balance without holding onto the railing and while his arms were full he felt like he was gathering even more excitement. He pushes the door open with his left shoulder and enters Mark’s room walking backwards, closing the door with his foot. When he turns around however, Mark’s room was lit only by the desk lamp to his left, lighting the room like a half open eye. Donghyuck sets down the snacks on the empty desk. He expected Mark to be sitting there working on something.

But instead he finds Mark, lights out, lying down on his bed. His pens, notes and rumpled sheets bordering his sleeping form. Mark’s laptop is set down next to him and when Donghyuck reaches down to place it on the dresser he saw it was on sleep mode. What was he going to do with Mark?

Subconsciously, he may have been asking for a sign, a gentle push to telling him that his conclusion to squeeze himself into Mark’s routine of responsibility was in the right direction. His friend’s warnings the other day were in good faith but it doesn't mean it didn't intimidate him a little, even if it was to help Mark.

Now, he sits on Mark’s bed after picking up all of the worksheets, meticulous made notes, the pen that fell out of his hand, and Donghyuck’s more sure. He looks down at him.

_Who cares about the movie. Mark needs his rest._ His hand slowly threads through Mark’s hair.

_What’s the first step to this?_ Donghyuck thinks. Now he feels a little bit like Mark being in his head.

Definitely not a bad thing considering he was going to help Mark with his work. Getting in his head would help with a little perspective. He should probably check Mark’s schedule first. Ask his club mates about what Mark usually does or help Jisung and Winwin with their homework in his place. Would it be Mark–like to have a clipboard? Anything to get into the role and Mark does like his details. Of course there were things he couldn't do like step in for Mark during basketball or dance practice. Maybe he could refill his water at the least. He should do what he can.

Donghyuck moves closer to Mark, lying down, leaning on his elbows still stroking Mark’s hair.

The bed dips slightly with Donghyuck moving and Mark stirs. He switches his position now lying on his back and stretches his head into Donghyuck’s fingers. He falls back into sleeping as if there was no interruption.

Donghyuck finds himself matching Mark’s even breath. He hears, outside the window, the tree and its leaves in Mark’s yard, yielding in the wind. He’s staring openly now at Mark’s profile. Mark has such small pinched lips, but Donghyuck only notices this when Mark is so still. He’s usually either laughing or exaggerating some reaction when he’s with Donghyuck. He likes that about Mark. Mark’s lips were different when he was doing instead of being.

His other features were also sharp. Even now Mark’s cheekbones drop shadows underneath them. Donghyuck, looking at them, thinks of the bones pressing up underneath the skin, how Mark might feel them. Might feel his own sharpness. Donghyuck’s features were more rounded. He wonders if Mark thinks of his roundness the way Donghyuck thinks of Mark’s sharpness.

Either way when he kissed Mark’s cheek the other day, angle and texture were the last thing on his mind.

With his other hand, Donghyuck reaches across to hold Mark’s own, his fingers loose. Donghyuck presses his palm closer into Mark’s palm. He stops caressing Mark’s hair and just lets his touch sit. His habit of hugging, holding hands, being touch starved, he doesn’t understand why he loves it. Mark’s warmth echoes synths and isn’t a thing to be explained. Wouldn't people be pulled to things that make them feel good? The soft skin of Mark’s palm, looking across the classroom, seeing his arms at his side, tracing it down to the hand like a maze, seeing the pink, knowing it’s Mark's and feeling a pull. He loves just even looking at Mark’s hand. Getting to hold it like this, diving into it, he’s fearless then it happens and the feeling becomes calm. Donghyuck smiles and relaxes the arm across Mark’s torso.

And yes he’s touchy too with other people. He got carried away with thinking on it in Mark context.

_I’m not a full Mark assistant yet_. Donghyuck concludes. _Ill leave the plans and thinking tomorrow._

He kicks off his shoes, two thumps hitting the soft carpet. He gets cozy, meaning he sidles up to Mark’s side, some soft grunting on Mark’s part. Now he feels Mark’s warmth through his shirt on his right ear. Do people feel the same way as him where there’s never enough closeness, and when he does get closer he wants more of it, selfish with touch. He squeezes Mark to him like he wants to hear what’s in his blood, drapes his feet over Mark’s shin. What other synths are playing?

On nights when they would watch movies, Donghyuck sometimes wakes up to Mark’s mom or dad walking in the room to switch off the light after both of them fell asleep on top of each other. Donghyuck hopes it’s the same case tonight. He’s too comfortable wrapped around Mark to stand and walk to the desk lamp.

Minutes later, Donghyuck, who started to hum, the pitch lilting now that he was getting sleepier, feels Mark wrapping his arm towards Donghyuck with his hand still held palm to palm in his. It’s a gradual journey to sleep but he’s glad it’s the last thing he feels and remembers that night.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hyuck what are you doing?”

Mark thinks this is the sequel to the other day. Donghyuck has grown out of helping with Mark’s books and has since moved on to collecting reports from his club mates and bringing it to him. He was just about to head to the room and do that himself. Guess not anymore.

Donghyuck continues shooting off to Mark the updates he gathered, “…oh and he said he wants you to consider pushing back reviewing the routine which I think is a great idea…”

“Hyuck”

“…I didn’t tell him that. Just said I’d tell it you and I’d get back to him with your reply.”

“Hyuck”

Mark takes Donghyuck’s hand and pulls him to sit down on the bench beside him. Donghyuck looks around. Huh. Guess he didn't know they were already the benches. Donghyuck thinks it’s a good time for a break anyway.

“Oh wait Mark! Here… I have something for you” He has to let go of Mark’s hand to get it from his bag.

“Hyuck if you corrected Jisung or Winwin’s paper I’d have to look over it again. No offense.”

“Hahahaha! Don’t worry I haven’t…..not yet at least.”

Donghyuck pulls out an extra set of tupperware along with a spoon and fork.

“Mom made your favorite today so I asked if I could have some extra for you. Do you still have water?”

Mark takes the tupperware in his lap while Donghyuck sets the spoon and fork on top. “huh…what?.....ummm no I think I finished it all with practice earlier.”

“Ahhh Mark Lee. It’s ok to take the time to refill. You can have some of my water.”

While Donghyuck dives back into his bag to find the water jug, Mark doesn’t even begin eating. He’s just staring at the noodles in his lap, slowly picking up the fork. This…..this is really too much.

Mark rarely tears up at moments like these but this would be the closest he’s come to it. Donghyuck’s sweetness usually comes with energy so Mark rarely realizes it in the moment of it happening. It’s only when Mark gets at home, lays on his bed and hugs his pillow to his frame that he lets himself rethink of the day with Donghyuck, replaying it over and over like a favorite song so he can keep the feeling of first listening to it.

Rethinking about these moments doesn't help at all with the near tearing up so Mark picks up the fork and begins twirls a bunch of noodles before stuffing it into his mouth.

Donghyuck sets down the water jug next to him and sees a puffy cheeked Mark chewing his noodles.

_He’s so cute!!!_

Pinching his cheeks would be out of the question unless he wants a lap full of Mark’s chewed food……ew.

Mark looks like he’s back in grade school again and sitting next to him it’s giving Donghyuck “what ifs” swimming through his head.

Donghyuck concludes that Mark only needs one hand to use the fork, so he holds Mark’s other hand between them and continues watching him eat.

What were they talking about before this? Wasn’t Donghyuck talking about the updates he gathered? The thought of that doesn't sit right with Mark. Part of it is him wanting to be in control with his work and of course he didn’t know Donghyuck was going to do it, so that definitely blindsided him. It was his job. Donghyuck must’ve approached all of the members individually out of class to get all of that information. It must’ve taken up so much of his time. And it would be redundant to go back to the members and ask them the same thing again. He’ll just have to work with the situation.

“Hyuck this is really nice. Thank you.”

The way Mark’s looking at him Donghyuck knows he’s talking about more than just the food. Donghyuck’s happy, so so happy.

Mark’s only noticing, _When did Hyuck start holding my hand?_ It isn’t unwelcome though and he slides his fingers through Donghyuck’s discreetly. What is unwelcome is the feeling that’s creeping up on him, blooming towards his cheek. He tries playing it off by stuffing more noodles in his mouth. If he didn't he would probably be so giddy he’d burst out laughing in the way he does. Then Donghyuck would be confused as to why he was laughing out of nowhere…..stuffing noodles in the mouth it is.

And now Mark’s thinking about how he woke up last Sunday. Mark woke up in a jolt, staring at the clock on his dresser that read 4 am. That usually happened to him when he was so caught up in working that he falls asleep next to his papers.

“go back to sleep Mark…it’s sunday….” Donghyuck groans.

That was new though.

His papers, laptop and pens were all placed on his desk and Donghyuck wrapped an arm around his torso pulling him to lie back down. Well…trying his best with whatever energy a person has after waking up.

“sorry I woke you….”

Donghyuck yawns, “let’s just go back to sleep.”

“okay”

He was pressed up so close to Donghyuck after that. Mark mentally berates himself for not knowing all night long that Donghyuck was hugging him like a teddy bear. He could’ve been enjoying the feeling all night long, knowing Donghyuck was holding him.

“i’m really sorry Hyuck….we didn’t get to have movie night.”

Donghyuck turns on his side and looks back at him softly opening his eyes. Mark thinks theyre the roundest eyes he’s ever seen, a little funny looking now when they’re drooping a little fighting off sleep. When will Donghyuck ever not look beautiful to him.

“it’s okay Mark. i’m just glad you got your rest. now don’t let me ask again,” Donghyuck reaches an arm and leg over Mark and pulls him closer nuzzling near his chest. “sleep...please.”

It didn't matter that Mark missed a cuddly Donghyuck last night. He has right now. Every point of contact with Donghyuck should feel like it’s sizzling but now with sleep still pulling him deeper and another pardon from Donghyuck, the feeling rounds out to be left with something purer.

Mark treasures this. He holds Donghyuck even closer with his free hand laid flat against Donghyuck’s back. _I love his warmth_ , Mark thinks.

He looks at him one last time and the last memory of Mark sleeping next to his papers, worried about his work is replaced with a better one.

Another glob of noodles.

“Should we go? I have to get home. Got some stuff to work on. I’ll wash these for you and give them back. Say thanks to your mom from me.” Mark starts to get up.

Donghyuck shakes out of his stupor from openly staring at Mark and stands up too.

“Do you need help with anything else? Any other club thing? or homework thing?"

“It’s ok Hyuck I can manage.” That last part of Donghyuck working hard, approaching all his members for something that was supposed to Mark’s job is still lingering in his mind.

Donghyuck even has his own thoughts worrying him. Everything he was telling Mark a while ago he should’ve made a list. How could Mark have remembered all of that? He should be more organized about this that’s what Mark would do.

After putting everything away, they both start walking to the front entrance.

This will take some getting used to, Donghyuck thinks, but it’s assuring to know he’s learning and it’s only the first day of him seriously giving effort in it. He has to try harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the readers! It means so much to me!
> 
> Let me know if you have any comments! I really just want reading this fic to be feel good but also poignant which will I will pick up on in the later chapters.


	5. Chapter 5

If this was the universe answering his defeated feeling of not having anyone to rely on, Mark had mixed feelings about it. It wasn't true at all when he thought about how no one would look out for him. And it does sound immature when he was the one who put himself in the position of ambition.

He never asks for help. It’s just more comfortable to trust your own drive. He doesn’t have to wait for anyone and knowing that is empowering. He can go faster if he wanted to and he could slow down when he feels like it. He trusts that he knows himself best.

Mark was at his desk finishing up his homework when gets the call from Donghyuck.

No one calls him at this time. He looks at the phone rattling itself on the wooden surface. Was there anything he was forgetting? What if it was an emergency? He answers on the third ring.

“hel….”

“Mark Mark Mark! Just wanted to let you know I’m going with you tomorrow to review the dance club videos”

“Donghyuck? How did you even know….”

“about you reviewing the videos? I asked Winwin and a bunch of your other members of what youre up to! So where should we meet up?”

This was too all at once but it wasn't uncharacteristic of something Donghyuck would do. Mark sighs thinking, at least it wasn't an emergency.

“I’ll be at the park tomorrow so we should just walk there after school.”

“Sounds great! I’ll bring the snacks!”

“You really don’t have to. I mean if you’re hungry?”

“Nonsense we’re sharing! Mom was so happy you got to eat the noodles the other day. I’ll see you tomorrow Mark.”

“See you Hyuck.”

“And don’t sleep too late tonight! I know how you get.”

Even when Donghyuck says it like it’s no big deal Mark doesn't like the sentiment of Hyuck worrying about it enough to remind him.

He was about to reply a sorry but Donghyuck says something softly this time.

“Goodnight Mark. Rest well….”

It was such a soft punctuation to Donghyuck’s high-energy announcement of hijacking his dance club responsibilities tomorrow. Mark’s taken aback for a moment but then what Hyuck said and the way he says it catches up to him.

He melts.

Sometimes he’s guilty from Donghyuck worrying but other times he loves when he does. Like when he said that rest well it felt like Donghyuck was making a space for him on the bed and opening the blanket for him. Pick a side Mark. Do you or don’t you want him to worry about you.

“Hahaha I will, rest fine I mean. You too Hyuck. Goodnight.”

Donghyuck doesn’t hang up immediately. Mark can hear his soft breathing on the other end but then slowly it gets fainter and fainter. Then the dial tone rings. Mark hangs up too.

He looks at his clock.

Did that really just happen in two minutes? That’s Lee Donghyuck for you. Mark deems it appropriate to take a few seconds of staring into space to recover from the whiplash. Maybe he was just tired.

He looks down at his homework and gets the eerie feeling of Donghyuck watching him. _Don’t push it Mark. That homework’s due next week. Go to bed._

Mark prefers hearing Donghyuck say rest well.

* * *

“At the bench?”

“What’s wrong? Don’t like the view? Hahaha I thought we were here to review the videos together?”

Mark and Donghyuck arrived at the park on a vibrant afternoon. The weather was refreshing and the clear blue sky was dotted with wisps of clouds. Mark made a beeline straight to the bench he always worked at. It rarely had any people and was located under the shade of a tree, a few feet away from the boardwalk where people were roller skating, biking or, going on slow walks.

Donghyuck stopped him though before he could even sit down.

“It’s not that it’s just, I brought a blanket. Ever laid one out on the grass before?”

Mark couldn't say he has. The thought just never came to him. He was always alone on his work at the park. A picnic blanket seemed more like a couple thing. _Mark!! why would you think that, especially now?_

Donghyuck leads him away from the bench to hunt for the perfect spot and finds it on a small slope that has better view of the river. Definitely much farther from the boardwalk than Mark’s bench.

He sets to help Hyuck lay the sheet down. It was covered in tiny yellow ducks. _Cute,_ Mark thinks. Donghyuck then unpacks his backpack stacking containers of food onto the picnic blanket, while Mark takes out his laptop and Bluetooth speaker, setting it near the front. They both settle down with their legs stretched out in front of them.

“How long does this usually take?” Donghyuck speaks up.

“Already hungry? We just got here hahahaha.”

“Let’s just start watching the videos so we can eat earlier.”

And so with that decided Mark presses play. He thinks it usually takes him maybe 2 to 2 ½ hours to finish but that’s just him reviewing the videos alone. Today he isn’t.

Donghyuck had his pen and paper out and leaning over to look at what he’s written Mark can see he wrote a column for the video name, time stamp and a larger column for comments. Mark usually presses pause then types down his thoughts before playing the video again but now it’s going smoother. He’s breezing through comments and finding he’s not losing the momentum of watching. He was a perfectionist and he had to replay the video from the start sometimes to see if he missed anything. Donghyuck really thought this through.

Beneath all of that clockwork motion of listening to Mark’s comments, paying attention to the time stamp and writing down as fast as he can so he can catch whatever Mark says next, Donghyuck was having a hard time concentrating.

It’s such a nice day out and we got such a nice spot. Donghyuck’s tempted to just lean back and take all that blue sky in if given the chance.

But no, he thinks, he has to focus. For Mark.

Look at the vid. See the time stamp.

Listen to Mark. “Yeah I think he should make that movement sharper.”

Note it all down.

He should see this to the end of the session. It took Donghyuck so much time to think about how he could help without overstepping or replacing Mark’s role. It wasn’t like he was as fit as Mark to give comments about the dancing and it wasn’t like there was a template for him to follow. There weren’t any previous Mark assistants out there (or even co heads for the dancing club).

That filled Donghyuck with some pride that he got here and set his mind to something. Seeing it through doesn’t feel as much of a chore anymore. Now that was Donghyuck can commit to. Being stubborn.

* * *

They worked through most of the videos in only 45 minutes, with only 3 left to watch.

Donghyuck was the one to suggest a break for food and he wasn’t shy about throwing the pen and pad to the side. He lay down on the blanket, letting out a big sigh. This was new to him give him a break, after 45 minutes to be exact. He’d be lying too if he didn't say that this was what he was looking forward to when spending time with Mark.

On the other hand, this food break was something new to Mark. He would have worked straight through those videos, packed up and gotten off the bench to head home.

When Donghyuck closes the laptop and hands Mark his own spoon and fork he’s a little flustered with what to do with his hands that were itching to open up that laptop again. Donghyuck hands him a plate with a pizza and sandwich.

Yeah…..Donghyuck, wouldn't have been happy with that idea.

Mark decides to just copy Donghyuck who was lying comfortably on the slope eating his slice of pizza, picking off the peperoni and placing it into his mouth. On Mark, the position looks awkward. He’ll adjust to it he supposes. “Thanks again Hyuck.”

“Hahahaha I was the one who invited myself.”

Donghyuck pauses for a beat.

“This is actually nice. I thought your work would be the type of thing you’d do in a library or stay in one of the rooms after classes.”

“Sometimes I do.” But Mark admits in his head that working in the park never came close to feeling this nice like Donghyuck says it does. He never could’ve taken in the fresher air, the wide space, or the sound of water mingling with bicycle bells. He leans deeper into the picnic blanket, breathing deeply.

“So what have you been up to?”

Donghyuck takes a bite of his sandwich this time. “Nothing new. Classes are boring. Still a procrastinator at that.” Mark should scold him for that. “But voice lessons have been good. My teacher has been giving me harder and harder pieces to sing.”

“I haven’t heard you sing in a long time.” Mark’s definitely saddened by that. From what he remembers Donghyuck has a beautiful voice.

“Ahhh It’s ok. You’ve been busy too Mark.” That’s still no excuse, Mark thinks but at least he feels like he rediscovered an old album or song he hasn’t listened to in a long time. He makes a mental sticky note to listen to Donghyuck sing sometime.

“Oh! And I’ve been helping Renjun with his feelings for someone.”

Something in the words Renjun and feelings in the same sentence triggers Mark. Donghyuck doesn’t notice and just continues. “It’s so funny like I’ve found something that doesn’t make him as snippy you know?”

“Well, knowing you that’s a hard feat to pull off.”

“Hey!!!” Donghyuck shoves Mark’s shoulder. “But yeah it’s weird seeing him get dazed about romance.”

Something about that reminds Mark, “Yeah same with Yuta.”

“What?”

“Him and Winwin. The other day I gave Yuta study plans I made for Winwin….I think he got the gesture. He’s not exactly shy about being possessive.”

“Awwww that’s sweet of you Mark. You turning into a romantic too?” Donghyuck starts pinching his cheeks.

“Hey you’re gonna make me drop my sandwich!”

“Not my fault you eat so slow!”

The sandwich is set down away from them before Donghyuck continues attacking. His hands aim for Mark’s face, grabby and relentless, as he laughs like a madman. Mark already can feel the giggles coming up his throat.

Donghyuck’s hands were on Mark’s cheeks, ears, and chin briefly grazing and teasing them. Everywhere Donghyuck touches starts to feel fiery. Mark still tries his best to fend them off, using his elbows and hands to slap them away. The picnic blanket underneath was rumpling in Mark’s twisting and squirming.

It only egged Donghyuck on though, hearing Mark laugh and seeing him scrunch his face and eyes.

In the onslaught of a playful Donghyuck, Mark is happy. So, so happy.

Mark feels a moment of what it would be like to be as unabashed as Yuta. Was Yuta always this happy to be as open as he was with his affection for Winwin? Mark could open his mouth to the sky right now and scream for more of this feeling everyday, shout for a shower of sunniness to come like a storm.

He was a romantic long before Donghyuck even accused him a while ago even if it was jokingly.

“Hey, you okay?”

Mark must’ve stopped laughing and didn't even notice.

He sits up on the blanket with Donghyuck doing the same. Donghyuck looks at Mark, waiting for him to say something.

Mark decides to just pause and look back at him, at his rumpled hair, and his lightly wrinkled shirt. The sky was turning golden and Donghyuck looked so beautiful.

Mark, closes his eyes, leans in, and presses his lips to Donghyuck’s smooth cheek, right at the roundest part. He stays there for a few seconds and feels his lips tingle with a brighter feeling. It feels addicting, warming and full of so much life. No matter how electric it is he doesn’t want to pull away.

He does though eventually and sees a slack mouthed, wide–eyed Donghyuck looking back.

On a normal day, on some other feeling, he would’ve cared to turn shy at that reaction but he was filled with Yuta–confidence at the moment.

“Just payback for the other day.”

He slots his fingers through Donghyuck’s, setting their palms on top of each other, and down on the now messy picnic blanket. Donghyuck reaches over, clasped hands still intact, as he gives Mark a kiss back. A reply.

“What?” Mark asks.

“Nothing.” Donghyuck answers. “Let’s just lie down for a minute.”

Food forgotten and to be eaten later, Mark and Donghyuck look up and out into the sky like they could fall in with how vast it was. There’s a shuffling on Donghyuck’s side and Mark sits up on his elbows to see Donghyuck starting to lean his head on Mark’s chest.

Another question mark appears over Mark’s head, more dumbfounded and in awe. Donghyuck thinks it’s adorable.

From Mark’s view however, Donghyuck smiles at him goofily.

_Huh?_ Mark thinks. So that’s what the dazed expression looks like on Hyuck.

* * *

They started watching the videos again minutes later after just sitting and being, holding hands and listening to the bicycles and joggers around them, not really eavesdropping for any distinct conversation.

Donghyuck finds that he doesn't dread getting back to work as much after that break and he hopes that Mark feels the same way too. He hopes it indirectly teaches him a lesson, but hey it doesn't happen overnight.

When the last video comes up a slow song begins to play on Mark’s speakers. The dancer on the screen turns slow and sweeps their arms over their head in a wave like motion. Mark’s eyes were intent on the screen.

Donghyuck sets down the pad and paper on the grass surprising Mark. He pauses the video.

“Need to go the bathroom?”

Instead of replying, Donghyuck presses the spacebar, playing the video again, as he takes Mark’s hands in his. That question mark comes back in full force on Mark’s expression.

“Dance with me.”

Donghyuck sets one hand on Mark’s hip and the other on Mark’s shoulder.

“Come on Hyuck we’re almost done.”

From Donghyuck’s perspective, the atmosphere is just perfect. The orange in the afternoon sky was melting with the incoming night blue and the wind was picking up to be more than a light breeze. He knew they both could hear the waves getting louder, splashing in soothing sounds.

The music from the video just pushed it over the edge.

Donghyuck ignores Mark and guides him to place his hands on the opposite side of where he placed his.

“Come on Mark, we can always watch the video again but we rarely get an afternoon like this. Besides, why don’t you put your own dance skills to use?”

Mark scoffs at that. They weren’t even dancing that hard, just swaying. But Mark complies. They were already standing up.

Mark feels a fingertip tilt his chin, putting his line of sight directly in Donghyuck’s eyes. They weren’t dazed but soft this time. Looking in them, Mark feels like something unlocked within him. He starts to loosen up in their swaying, his hands flattening out where he was holding Donghyuck. Stepping in closer, Mark keeps his eyes on Donghyuck’s.

“So are my dance skills any good?”

“Hahahaha you know you’re the best dancer I know! I’m your number one fan! Never doubted you for a second!”

Donghyuck smiles at him again and Mark feels immensely grateful and touched.

They press together closer with Donghyuck hooking his chin over Mark’s shoulder. Mark feels Donghyuck begin to hum and thinks that he couldn’t wait to hear Donghyuck sing again.

The video is pushed far out of Mark’s mind and he rationalizes it isn’t even close to how late he would finish if he reviewed the videos on his own.

He could spare a few minutes for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who is having difficulty right now wherever you may be in the world, my spirit is with you. Have courage and kindness and strength to fight for what is right


	6. Chapter 6

Mark Lee is an old fashioned fifty-year-old man inside of a high schooler’s body, Donghyuck concludes. Why does he have to write everything down?

On days of investigating how he fits into Mark’s routine, by studying, searching and meticulously combing through Mark’s systems and personal framework, he finds that everything Mark couldn't keep in his mind, he wrote down.

“Do you not trust technology Mark? It wouldn’t kill you to have some excel sheets.”

It’s more to go through than usual which isn’t saying much since Donghyuck grasps onto what he can retain at the end of the school day. He sometimes remembered the assignments just as he was walking to the classroom then he would rush to his seat as fast as he can and just let the mindless scribbling take over. Intense stress for five minutes sounded better than prolonged stress over a weeknight.

Even then Donghyuck was sure Mark made his own stress much more concentrated than it needed to be. He can see note after note, to do after to do of the exact same assignment on Mark’s lists as if he was deadly afraid of forgetting them.

He wishes he could get in Mark’s head and take all of it out, the doubt, the excess stress. But that’s the one place Donghyuck can't reach so he just resumes his own system and does what he can.

On another school night Mark falls asleep again with no warning. This time he’s draped over his desk chair, back arched, mouth slightly open. Donghyuck was doing his own homework and left Mark to work on his own but then got stuck on a question. He was about to ask Mark when he sees the tired snoring boy before him. It isn’t even that late, Donghyuck thinks.

He takes the pen out of Mark’s fingers and stacks the notebooks neatly, placing them to the side. Donghyuck’s sure these weren’t even due next week. For a moment he just looks at Mark’s face, his own creasing with concern. This all feels too familiar and Donghyuck knows it’s not the kind to smile about.

After placing a pillow under Mark’s head, he walks back to the bed and resigns to finishing his own homework before the possibility of Mark waking up.

Mark’s sleeping patterns haven’t changed at all ever since Donghyuck decided to help him. Donghyuck mulls the thought over as the next thing he might tackle. What Donghyuck doesn't consider however, has not at all this whole time, was how Mark was keeping an eye on this whole situation.

Mark’s usual situation of waking up to a quiet room, scattered materials and the light still switched on have become a thing to compare to. Now, Donghyuck places everything on his desk. Now Donghyuck carries him to bed when he can. And now Donghyuck tries to keep one step ahead of him.

It catches him off guard when he sees Donghyuck, one day, talking to more and more of his orgmates. Not that Donghyuck wasn’t one of the more social students in the school, but Mark overhears one of their conversations that confirms to Mark that this is not for purely social purposes.

“So what is Mark working on for the guitar club today?”

“Ah well some of us are trying to learn new pieces. I can point you to which members those are.”

“That would be great thanks!”

And this was just one instance among many Mark has noticed.

It’s Friday night and the perfect excuse for Mark to overwork himself, as Donghyuck puts it, when there’s a whole morning the next day to sleep in. Surprisingly, Mark feels his soft bedsheets underneath him, glasses off and with a little squinting, sees them on the side desk next to him. The last thing he remembered he was working on his paper, already feeling tired from basketball as he was walking home with Donghyuck.

He tries to lean up to see what time it was but the first thing that catches his eye is Donghyuck leaning over his study desk. All Mark can see is his silhouette from the lamp, and his shadow casts a long tall Donghyuck to the opposite wall. Was he doing his homework? Mark saw his right arm making writing motions. But wouldn't he be seated down?

Mark puts on his glasses and leans up on his elbows to get a better view. Donghyuck was looking up at his corkboard then down to his notebook to write. He was copying Mark’s calendar and to do list. In the heavy fog of just waking up, Mark smiles openly.

Even he couldn't understand some of the things he noted down with checkboxes spilling down to the next week and sentences of projects sometimes abbreviated to two words. He usually would kick himself the following day for being lazy and not taking the time to write the full instructions.

To see Donghyuck patiently looking them over, Mark visualizing a crease between his brows, mouth dropped to an oval in concentration, it makes Mark take this whole endeavor of Donghyuck into perspective. Maybe feel a little warmer too with the way his smile hasn't stopped beaming.

He has imagined that one day Donghyuck would just let this whole thing go, with how overwhelming it all is, even to Mark. And to be fair, Mark would also be fine with Donghyuck going back to being a best friend who didn’t help out with his extra curriculars.

But it’s just….it’s just…kind and sweet and sincere and Mark gets up before he knows it. Walking loud enough for Donghyuck to hear him coming, he loops his arms around Donghyuck’s waist, molding perfectly to the slight curve of his back.

“That can wait tomorrow.” Mark whispers, voice still raspy from waking up.

Donghyuck sighs and puts the pen and pad down. Those words coming from Mark are a huge step in the right direction. He doesn't even try to finish the full note he was taking down.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck yawns, “It can wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a very long time. A lot has happened but I'm ready to get back on track!


	7. Chapter 7

"Who are you looking for?”

It’s the end of another school day and Mark walks alongside Lucas, Taeyong, Yuta and Winwin, the clubrooms already far behind them. Yuta elbows Marks as if he didn’t hear his question.

“Just Donghyuck,” Mark grumbles.

He was in his head thinking did he not note down that he had guitar club duties on the corkboard today? There was a possibility that even if he did Donghyuck might have overlooked it. Or maybe he didn’t tell any of is clubmates that he was working on something and thus Donghyuck not hearing about it through them.

If Donghyuck was to join him on the walk home Mark didn't want to leave him behind. He would get an earful of whining and a promise to buy him food to make up for it.

Winwin supplements, “I think I heard that his friend Jeno was having a party.”

“Donghyuck was probably invited,” Taeyong adds. Knowing how social Donghyuck was that was most likely the case.

Mark turns to down a corridor to his locker and bids, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” giving them pats on the back and hi fives. However, before completely walking out of his sight of them, something stops him. Out of the corner of his eye. he sees Winwin and Yuta fall back from the group and Mark raises an eyebrow, curious.

Yuta reaches for Winwin’s hand with a bright smile and small laugh. Winwin slows his walk looking back at him with wide eyes. He checks his surroundings briefly, before planting a kiss on Yuta’s cheek.

_Huh_? _So that happened._

_Good for them._ Mark thinks and he truly means it. He did expect Yuta to be the more grand romantic type but he guesses it’s in him too to be more personal and quiet with his affections. Especially for Winwin.

Once he reaches his locker he doesn’t hesitate to click in the code.

Mark does feel guilty for assuming that Donghyuck was going to join him today. It was an immediate reaction, not even thinking about Donghyuck’s own plans. It’s selfish.

His backpack lightens with every book deposited inside.

It wasn't Donghyuck’s role and it shouldn't even be. Was he leaning on him too much?

No. That wasn't it. No.

He was still giving as much as he could. He wasn't one to be lazy himself just because someone else was there helping no matter how many times he was distracted by Donghyuck’s round eyes, mischievous smile, bright energy, plump li…

He shuts his locker.

“Hey Mark!”

He jolts in surprise. It’s just one of his classmates.

“Hahahahaha you came out of nowhere. What’s up!”

“Well the newspaper club was wondering if you wanted to do an opinion piece on heading the guitar club?”

Mark looked at him. His eyes were expectant and he was bouncing on the ball of his feet. Usually he would be eager to. Not giving it a second thought.

“Sorry no…I’ve got a lot on my plate…I hope that’s ok.”

Maybe he should’ve just stuck with what he knew to do, take the job. Instead, he thinks has to sink in seeing disappointment.

But his classmate had as bright a smile as one could get after a long day of school.

“Of course it’s fine Mark no worries! I understand. See you in class tomorrow!” And with that he waves a goodbye.

That was it? Mark was left there waving goodbye to the air.

Mark was bracing himself for a bigger scene, something more formal, something he believed would be closer to sadness. Never mind he guesses. It was all good. He tired himself out anticipating even if it was for a brief moment.

For now, he should just be set on heading home.

The rush on the bicycle with the oncoming wind and rumble on the pavement is enough to keep his mind off of dwelling too much on it as stares into the distant orange sky. A sigh escapes him as he slumps forward letting the wheels go off on their own.

Donghyuck should be heading to the party now and that sounds like he’s jealous but those things usually tired him out. He did want to see Donghyuck though. Was Donghyuck to social life as Mark to his extracurriculars? Maybe. Not really surprising.

Without anyone around, Mark lets out a whine, the way Donghyuck does to him only probably having more practice of it. He can’t be serious. He doesn’t own Donghyuck’s time and what now, he’s going to flip the script and he’s going to start his own project of getting Donghyuck to spend more time with him? Not really as earnest in purpose as what Donghyuck was doing.

_Selfish. Selfish. Selfish._ Mark pushes his heel to the ground to stop the bike in front of his house.

This is Donghyuck’s fault. He pushes himself into Mark’s routine and now the one time they have time to themselves, which should be a good thing, Mark wants him here.

He’s in front of his desk now, his laptop, his notebook, his earphones laid out in front of him. His school backpack sitting on the corner of his bed. He didn’t even notice how routine it all felt. It crosses his mind that he never sat himself down to take all of what Donghyuck was doing from a productive perspective. Was all of what he was doing helpful?

Yes. Yes it was. Mark was grateful for it even if he was on the other side about it at the very beginning.

But what he’s doing right now, he knows it’s just a simple task he’s done before countless times. If he could focus on his work instead aggravating his emotions by dwelling on them, then he could just get it done the way he always has.

Mark pulls out his pen, readies his agenda, reviews all of the notes all muscle memory at this point.

A text! He could text him to know what he’s up to!

This will only take a second Mark says to himself as he pulls out his phone from his bag.

MARK

Hey Donghyuck! just got home.

I heard you were going to Jeno’s party

He can totally be nonchalant about this. Mark puts his phone down as he gets to pressing play. And he totally is still nonchalant when he immediately picks up after his phone vibrates.

DONGHYUCK

Sorry I didn’t tell you L

You better not overwork yourself Mark.

MARK

No no it’s fine!

I’m just reviewing the vids right now.

And you better not get into any trouble.

DONGHYUCK

But that’s boriiiiiiinnggg. What’s a party without a little trouble? ;)

MARK

Hey! I wouldn't want you to get hurt

Mark took that last message to seriously. He knew he was only joking but scenarios came into his head, Donghyuck with other people, getting cozy with them which isn’t really trouble but….

DONGHYUCK

Hahahahaha just kidding Mark. Of course I’ll be safe.

I’m still just waiting for Renjun to get ready.

We aren’t even at the party yet.

Besides, without you here I wouldn't be having much fun anyways.

Mark has a hard time believing that he, the model student with numerous responsibilities, would be the defining factor on whether or not a night out is fun. Even wondering that in his head he’s getting too technical.

MARK

I’m sure you’ll find a way

Donghyuck takes a small pause to reply

DONGHYUCK

Is it weird to say that part of me wishes you were doing your work here?

MARK

I think it’s more a weird idea

Wouldn't get much done

Would be interesting though

DONGHYUCK

Hahahaha yeah

Maybe we should try it sometime

Mix things up

Of course Donghyuck would be all for mixing things up. Mark imagines the set up in front of him, laptop, notes and all at a party. Even he knows that’s pushing it for someone who’s already too academic.

Mark takes his own pause.

MARK

I wish I was holding your hand right now

But that message he just types out before holding backspace, more for himself. He just wondered what it would feel like to send something like that out of the blue.

* * *

“Here have some.” Mark leans over the table to feed Donghyuck carefully holding the fork in place.

“ummy!” Donghyuck muffles through a still full mouth. It’s garble anyway amongst all the other sounds of lunchtime, even if they were eating inside the classroom.

“So anything interesting happen yesterday?”

“Not really. Renjun did accidentally backhand Lucas in the face. Pretty funny.”

“Only you would think that’s funny Hyuck. I bet Renjun still beating himself up over it.”

“Well yeah but I guess it gives him an excuse to spend more time with him.”

“Or avoid him”

“Yeah maybe.”

Mark sets down his lunch as Donghyuck wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He slouches in his seat, not taking his eyes off of Donghyuck, watching as he rests his palm on the table, still chewing, staring off brightly into space.

His cheeks were puffed out and the tan of his skin was warm, catching whatever sunlight could come through the room. Mark could clean every table’s surface with the gleam that was in his eyes, his lips.

Donghyuck’s hands were happily drumming the table, the soft skin of his palm tempting Mark, calling him to hold them.

“Mark!...Mark! yooohooo?”

“Ah! Yes! Hi! Hello! Sorry, I zoned out there….” Correction, it was the actual Donghyuck calling him, not his hands.

“You okay?” Donghyuck still hasn't stopped chewing.

Instead of replying, Mark indulges himself and takes Donghyuck’s free hand. A little greasy but still, it’s Donghyuck. Mark confirms his palm is soft, squeezing it like a stress ball, feeling the subtle dips and creases of the palm lines.

“Hahahaha again….you okay Mark? You’re being more smiley than usual.”

Mark didn't even notice he was. And when Donghyuck spoke he did it softer than usual. Mark’s distracted again.

Donghyuck’s turned his body fully facing him now “Do you have anything you need to do today? Last time I checked it was…”

“Actually yeah I do but why don't we just hang out?” Mark was testing waters here but somehow he was more excited to spend time with Donghyuck.

“What?!! THE Mark Lee is skipping on his schedule.” Donghyuck’s sarcastic voice rings loudly over the chatter.

“…hyuck they’re staring.” Mark gets shy but still clearly amused.

He continues. “But yeah you know….. video games, movie and junkfood?” he suggests. Even Donghyuck sighs at the combination.

“It feels like such a long time since we did that.” There’s a dreaminess in Donghyuck face Mark wishes was there more often, when Donghyuck slows it all down.

Now, they were staring directly at each other, Mark wanting to get something off of his chest. It feels like the atmosphere has changed. “I never apologized you know. You were right I haven’t been spending time with anyone and technically most of the time I’m still spending it with one person, you, but I guess it’s ok to start from there and still when we’re doing things it’s mostly academic but I can’t really change that overnight can I and..”

Donghyuck interrupts.

“You’re rambling.” He leans in and strokes Mark’s bicep, their forearms overlapping. Mark gathers himself. He gets up and rounds the table behind Donghyuck’s chair.

He hugs him from behind, kneeling down almost.

“I’m really sorry.”

Donghyuck’s taken aback by it. He didn’t know Mark was thinking about all of it until he said did, thinking for himself that it would just be something unspoken and they would continue on their usual ways.

It’s so uncharacteristic of Mark to be emotional AND touchy that Donghyuck excuses the softness of his tone that he was taken aback himself.

“Oh Mark….” He pulls him to the side of his chair to face him. “I get to spend time with you now. And you’re learning to let go. That’s all I really wanted out of this.”

“But you’re getting tired and I don't know I just…”

He feels guilty, Donghyuck understands, “I was the one who chose to help you Mark and I’ll keep helping you because I WANT to.” Donghyuck pulls him back into a hug. “It’s really nothing.”

It’s hot in the afternoon and the classroom’s closed windows are doing nothing to relieve that. Someone should really take the initiative, but Mark relaxes into the hug eitherway. He’s in the thick of being vulnerable, might as well go full with it. He palms Donghyuck’s tender back rubbing it up and down in comfort and he feels Donghyuck’s hair tickling his neck.

“Scooch over.” Mark requests. Donghyuck confused follows anyway. Their thighs leaving no space in between them when a chair was built for one person only. Mark reaches across the joined table for his food and places it down.

He looks around the classroom first, making sure everyone’s attention was on something else. He’s really gonna do this.

With Mark’s forefinger and thumb on Donghucks chin he turns his face towards him and then the soft press of his lips on the other. It takes a while for Donghyuck to hold in his shock but after a while he closes his eyes too and sinks in.

Knowing it’s Donghyuck and knowing how much he cared, Mark feels that this is the most vulnerable he’s been with anyone, the closest to tenderness he’s ever been in, like being rocked back and forth on a hammock.

Feeling for the moment they pull away at the same time, Donghyuck’s expression carrying lingering shock. But he was more of the type to get the last word in.

“Wow Mark, thought you’d be more of a gentleman asking first.” He raises his eyebrow in teasing.

Mark goes from zero to sixty on the pink scale, “What?! Sorry! I’m really sorry! I should have asked. I didn’t know if it was what you wanted but I was just…”

Donghyuck accepts his new role as the official punctuation mark to when Mark rambles.

“I’m just joking Mark. Don’t worry…I liked it…” He sounds so cheesy but Mark smiles at that, overlooking Donghyuck’s teasing. He really wishes he hadn’t interrupted what Mark was about to say. Maybe for another day.

* * *

“So you planned all of this just to get with Mark hmmm?” Yuta teases.

Donghyuck shoves him playfully. “Of course not. I mean I really did miss him…this is just a nice bonus.”

“A bonus you’ve been wanting for years. I’m a little surprised. I didn’t think Mark was the type to initiate.”

“Yeah me neither. Just like you said, I’ve been waiting for it for years.”

Yuta laughs at that, “So what was your excuse then? Not confessing yourself?”

Donghyuck has thought about that, “You know how Mark gets. I wouldn't want to scare him away…”

Yuta’s voice softens, “I’m sure he wouldn't have either way. Not with you.”

Donghyuck smiles back, “So, how have you and Winwin been?”

“Really good.” Yuta replies, not noticing the smile on his face. “Really really good…”


	8. Chapter 8

Mark huffs.

It’s been a long day.

The rooms of his wall felt more like a sickly yellow with the evening streaming in. It feels like he’s in that Van Gogh painting. He’s been tapping his fingers in annoyance trying to fix all of this mess. The labels on the files weren’t right, the notes were jumbled and sparse. He feels like such an idiot for not double-checking before sending it the day before, trusting already what work was already done.

And now it’s come to this. Mark pulls his chair out of the desk and leans on his shoulders, head in his hands.

“….I want to sleeeep” he groans.

His head was throbbing, eyes slightly watery at the lack of rest. He turns to the clock. 3 am it reads. It makes him even more frustrated. _Just don’t look at it Mark._ He tries to remind himself. _Look away._

But in the heat of feeling frustrated and in his head, an awful combination, he can’t help but spin back to the what ifs that would have prevented all of this. His head was too clouded with the thought, a few hours ago this could have all been avoided. _If I hadn’t overlooked his usual routine, If he hadn’t let Donghyuck do most of it, charging forward so proud to help Mark._ It was so simple. And that made it even more annoying.

In the end of course he knows it’s his fault. It’s his responsibility. He’s a practiced leader of so many organizations, he knows how to take ownership and of what that role entails. Speaking of so many organizations this lack of sleep is not going to do him any favors the next day with back to back, practices and meetings and not too mention the tests and academics. This was the worst he ever felt. He kept up all of those so well and had a system for a reason.

The invisible luck, winds of chance and the unreasonable reasons for everything weren’t on his side. _For one night_ he thought, _I let my guard down and it comes to this._

That’s enough complaining Mark thinks.

He goes downstairs to drink a glass of water in front of the cool open refrigerator door, and stalks to the bathroom to wash his face. The red rimmed eyes looking back a complete stranger.

He’s tired but he’s not incompetent, he tells himself harshly. He reminds himself all of these years of practice, of getting back to work, that it’s all still in him.

He closes the tabs of apologies sent to his club mates hours ago, not wanting to look at the replies. Probably, all kind and understanding to be honest, but still, he doesn’t want to feel guilty for letting them down. _Just finish these last few ones_ Mark reassures himself. _Then you can go to bed_.

The sound of laptop keys and mouse clicking are set back to its rhythm in the lone lit room and Mark pushes everything distracting him away, never glancing back at the clock.

* * *

He sends texts to his friends saying it was packed day for him. He can’t come to lunch, play soccer in the field or basketball in the court unless it was for later’s practice. His mind was on the test the next period. He didn't even see if he typed it correctly, setting his notes and textbooks out on his desk. Autocorrect help him, he pleads, but it was never on anyone’s side.

His eyes are hot, head throbbing slightly, and he pinches himself a few times marking the skin in tiny red shapes. He would try coffee later then go back to the classroom as soon as possible. He hates how bitter it tastes and how when he added more sugar and cream, hates the way it’s too sweet. At least it’s keeping him awake.

During lunch, for a brief moment of raising his head to look around he swears he saw Donghyuck leaning against the door, lingering. Their eyes don’t meet so much as Mark stares through him then quickly away.

Donghyuck was disappointed. He knows what happened when earlier, he asked one of the members. He feels awful. At first he thought Mark went back to his old habits. The text he received was unlike the Mark the past few weeks but more of a worse version than what prompted all of this in the first place. From the doorway, he sees Mark’s eyes glazed, hunched over the words he was trying to commit to memory. His mind turning in the way it’s filled with thoughts rather than the awareness of what he’s doing, tapping his foot, unclenching and clenching his fist, biting his lips.

It wouldn't be a good time to interrupt him. So Donghyuck just walks away mixing guilt with disappointment.

Before all of this, Mark was usually one of the last ones to leave school. It gave him some time to take it slow. It was the energy of the people surrounded with activity and purpose that made him want to match it. And this was the time when all of it was gone. What remained were the quiet halls, his thoughts and footsteps.

Today it was like stopping after an endurance race, feet planted in clay, your breath and the limits of your body finally catching up to you, the exhaustion finally sinking in. Mark walked so slow even his grandparents would tell him to get out of their way.

He needs to see Donghyuck, telling himself he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t

The bike ride there would be another labor he thinks, but at least he could go as slow as he wanted to.

_I’m coming over,_ Mark sends off.

And Donghyuck’s reply was more quiet than usual.

_Okay. I’m just helping my mom make dinner. Let yourself in._

He hates that he can read through it, the fault pressing against Donghyuck’s heart. What he wants now is the familiarity of pulling Mark into his schemes and the overuse of winking emojis. Maybe an excessive amount of hugs after a long hot shower. His bike was in view now, the last one locked on the racks. It looked like a sad dog waiting for its owner. He sends one last text before speeding off.

_I’m gonna take a shower and borrow your clothes if that’s ok._

He knows the answer would be yes but he wishes Donghyuck gave him something more than the _Okay_ he replied.

* * *

There are clothes laid out on Donghyuck’s bed when he gets there and that makes him feel a little better. Like they were on speaking terms with words that were more than two syllables.

He smells the pork downstairs as he showers, relaxing into the temperature of the water and when he gets into a fresh pair of Tshirt and shorts everything around him is so warm. The walls of Donghyuck’s room are filled with band posters, and above the desk sits pictures of him and Mark. Mark never gets tired of looking at those, pictures of them at carnivals, music festivals, the first snapshots of him and Donghyuck on his new phone. His favorites are the ones he takes whenever Donghyuck has a recital. Most of the time he sits beside Donghyuck’s mom in the first row, with the other parents waiting for their children, iPads and videocameras out. He never really notices as he watches Donghyuck, eyes closed, losing himself in the song.

He wasn’t expecting Donghyuck to bring up the food to the room and Mark feels caught somehow looking at the pictures.

“Are your parents ok with us eating here?” Mark turns away from the pictures. Donghyuck smirks slightly at that, setting down the plates on the bedside table.

“Yeah, I told them you were tired so….” Donghyuck pats the spot beside him on the bed and Mark crosses the room to him.

They both sit down cross-legged, plates now on their laps, reaching for the glasses of water on the table occasionally. Mark overthinks every second of silence in between bites, unable to savor the taste of homemade food. How to start this? He thinks.

Clearly, they are ok so does he even want to start something? Maybe he should just let it go.

“I’m sorry.” Donghyuck says. “I’m really sorry.”

They’re both just pushing around food on the plate now, eyes staring through whatever they were looking at.

“I know you didn’t mean it Hyuck. It’s ok…”

Donghyuck doesn’t want to accept that answer, “Could you drop the Mr. Responsible act around me for once….” His voice didn’t hide any frustration. “It’s ok to be mad at me. Can’t you feel how tired you are?”

Mark was tired so maybe that’s why he was quick to drop the issue but he knew a greater part of Donghyuck was right.

“…Yeah ok what happened it wasn’t….it wasn’t great ok. I feel like shit.” Donghyuck really looks at him in the eye for the first time that day and the guilt feels new again like a fresh wound. He sees the sag in Mark’s shoulders, how slow his movements were. He did this and it was the last thing he wanted out of all of it. Donghyuck sets his plate aside and scooches closer to his side, one arm around the span of Mark. He feels Mark lean against him too letting out a sigh.

“But getting mad at you now doesn’t change anything. It happened.”

Donghyuck turns his head and presses multiple kisses to Mark’s shoulder. “You’re too quick to forgive Mark. I don’t feel like this is right.”

There’s no reply after that because Mark really doesn’t know what else to say. He feels like he said it all. “Let’s just sleep it off okay?”

Their food by now was a forgotten thing, not much left anyway. Donghyuck resigns to bringing the plates and glasses back in the morning even if his parents would scold him for it. Right now, he just wants to be with Mark, make it up to him.

The best thing was for Mark to get some good rest. He pushes his blanket down and fluffs his pillows, inviting Mark to slide in. Mark’s body sinks in immediately, fatigue pushing him further to sleep.

But what he doesn’t feel is the body he expected to be right beside him. Donghyuck was crossing the room to turn off the lights, but immediately switches on the lamp on his desk.

As if feeling Mark’s questioning gaze Donghyuck turns to face him. “Oh sorry, do the lights keep you awake? I can take my stuff to the living room.”

Stuff?

Mark leans up on his elbows bleary eyed and grunting. “You still have homework?” He turns to the clock and sees that it wasn’t even that late, a slight ache in his head knowing that there would still be school tomorrow.

“ummm… yeah just the science project and a couple of other things. Go to sleep Mark. I’ll be back once I’m..”

“Wasn’t the science project due last week?” Mark memorized deadlines as soon as he received them, and alarms immediately went off when Donghyuck mentioned still submitting that project.

Donghyuck goes quiet, not liking where this was headed.

Mark gets up from the bed and holds out a hand. “What other homework do you have?” Now it was his turn to be frustrated.

“Just some…” Donghyuck doesn’t even fight when Mark reaches for his planner, clearly a little intimidated. “Shit..”

Mark flips through each page, the sound of it like lighting a dozen matches. “These were ALL either due yesterday or tomorrow! Donghyuck you should’ve started earlier!”

“I know I know it’s just…”

It clicks into place for Mark then and there. He doesn’t like what he’s realizing.

“If you had all this work why would you help me? Donghyuck that’s so irresponsible!”

Mark’s exasperation rubs off on Donghyuck. The room is less warm than when Mark remembers entering it.

“I told you before! How I spend my time is how I choose to Mark.”

“Yes but choosing this!” Mark waves around Donghyuck’s planner. “Give me that…” Donghyuck grabs it and places it on his desk, face down like it was due for a time out.

Marks sitting on the bed now head in his hands, “And to think this has been going on for so long ARGGHH Donghyuck! Why do you have to make it so difficult!”

He’s even guiltier that he felt so needy for Donghyuck’s presence when all this time Donghyuck was sacrificing his own obligations.

“…can you even blame me Mark at the rate you were going you were going to burn yourself out.”

It just comes tumbling out of Mark, “Yes but even with your help that didn’t stop today from happening did it?”

Donghyuck looks like he was shot, eyes open and stinging. “I already told you I was sorry and I thought you said that “getting mad at me now doesn’t change what happened.” “

“I ugggghhhh! You know what yes it doesn't change what happened. That’s not what we’re arguing about right now.”

“I didn't know you got to chose what we were arguing about.” Donghyuck’s arms were behind him, leaning on the desk, hands gripping the edge. “That’s so unfair that you get to take it back then yell at me again for it. Pick a fucking side!”

Mark has to admit that was an asshole move. He takes a deep breath and clears his mind a little, “You’re right you’re right…..that wasn't nice.” He looks Donghyuck in the eyes this time. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck thinks that’s it. This is where they make up now right? But Mark continues, “But why Hyuck? Why would you do this?” He’s pleading. “You can’t….you can’t….you have to take care of your own duties first. I don't want to be the reason or for there to be any reason at all that you’re shirking off of responsibilities.”

By this point, Donghyuck’s tired of having to explain again and again that it’s his choice. He thinks just Mark doesn’t respect it. “Maybe that’s where we differ Mark.”

The words jolt Mark to stand, curious about what Donghyuck has to say.

“I just think that there are some things more important than school.”

There’s truth in there Mark feels it. But he doesn’t like what Donghyuck was implying.

“You think that I don’t find anything else important other than school?”

Donghyuck didn't think he’d answer back. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think you think it’s more important than your friends.”

Now Mark looks like he’s the one who was shot. “What?! Donghyuck you know that you’re…”

And he didn’t think either that he would have his own reply to that.

“Even if you say it’s not true Mark, you don’t act like it. You don’t act like you’re willing to spend time with us. You don’t act like you’re enjoying the moment when you’re with us. And I don’t even know if you like doing all of this.” Donghyuck gestures to the books, the laptop, the lists, the sticky notes, everything Mark has worked so hard on. “These past weeks sometimes I feel like I had to force it out of you…just to spend some time together…I don't even know what I’m doing. Maybe you made your choice long ago.

Donghyuck’s out of breath, said everything on his mind, even the things he didn’t even know he had in him. He looks at Mark, who was now staring at the floor, head down. Donghyuck knows he shouldn't have backed him into a corner like that.

A knock on the door. “Boys keep it down. Your sister is about to sleep.” Donghyuck thinks his dad must have thought they were just playing a video game. He’s thankful that he wouldn't have to explain a fight tomorrow.

He releases his pride in a long sigh turning to Mark, “I’m sorry.” It sounds so cold, and Mark knows that Donghyuck’s just trying to appease him.

“You have to get some rest. I’ll….” Donghyuck hesitates before continuing. “I’ll do my work in the living room.

They’re both calmer now but they were both given a lot to think about. Mark concedes to getting under the covers, the tiredness now a rock on his chest. Maybe there were other things weighing down on him too.

“Goodnight” he says, just before Donghyuck leaves the room.

He looks back at Mark, eyes a little glossy.

“Goodnight,” Donghyuck replies. Then he turns off the lights.


	9. Chapter 9

It never felt like Donghyuck returned to the bed that night. Mark was trying to reach, beyond his dreaming, to the tips of his fingers, stretching out across the blanket. He wanted to make sure they were okay. He didn't feel the dip in the mattress when Donghyuck did return, who made sure to enter the room only after he was certain said person was in deep sleep.

Knowing how late he was sleeping himself, Donghyuck sets an alarm and stands there for a while, eyes drooping, just looking at Mark’s sleeping form. A little creepy, but he was wary. They didn’t exactly end on a good note.

What were the rules about cuddling after a fight? Would it be too selfish of him to wake up just to apologize some more? Yes. Would it be too selfish to cuddle him anyway? He doesn't think so.

He presses close to Mark’s body, face level, with noses almost touching and recalls that whenever Mark and him had arguments, he’d be overthinking everything he could’ve done differently the moment he hits the bed that night. His thoughts would rise to the ceiling and if the birds could hear them they’d be chirping in annoyance with how loud they were.

He pushes a strand of ebony hair out of Mark’s face, seeing the boy’s lips pouted, cheek pushed against the bedspread. Donghyuck couldn’t help it. He squeeze’s Mark’s face to get him to pretend to talk. A ventriloquist and his puppet.

“Just say it Mark.” Squeeze.

“I forgive you.” Squeeze.

“I was a jerk too.” Squeeze.

“I love…”

Donghyuck stops himself. This wouldn't be the way he wanted for those words to spill from Mark’s lips, or his own rather. He lays down flat on his back.

What’s making this whole thing more confusing was that Donghyuck was planning to confess that day, not knowing that all this disaster would unfold. He finds it self-centered to think about it now after the fight. Did he even say those words because everything didn’t go according to plan?

No, of course not. He meant what he said as harsh as it sounded. The delivery was just not the best.

He turns on his side away from Mark as if he could keep his thoughts quiet from him.

Everything just spilled out, Donghyuck concludes. Underlying every attempt to help Mark, lighten the load, nights feeling more tired than he usually does, he still thought Mark was any less harsh on himself for his routine. But he admits Mark does have a point.

He rolls over again facing the ceiling.

That wasn’t his choice to make. That was Mark’s. No matter how much he wanted to help, no matter how much he saw Mark struggling, even if Donghyuck continued all of this it would be futile, if Mark didn’t come to his own senses about not overworking himself. They would have driven each other tired to the bone, like responsibility was only a monster that could grow.

Donghyuck was getting sleepier now. His eyes were yearning to be shut and each ticking of the clock only made him feel heavier. He faces Mark again, pulling himself close, legs entangled together.

But it was just because…when you love someone, you don’t like seeing them being their own enemy.

You can’t be the only person who cares about them. They have to care about themselves too.

So if Donghyuck confessed that day it wouldn't have been right, even with all the grand gestures he wanted, the overdramatic speech that would make Mark shy. Donghyuck would have loved to embarrass him in front of their friends.

But no. Maybe in some way the argument was for the better. Not for him to confess. But for Mark to get better, even if they still stayed as friends. He just wants Mark to get better.

Mark would think about the fight like how he was now. Overthinking probably the better word. Everything was out in the open. Now all Donghyuck had to do was trust Mark, and let time take its course. He presses a kiss to his cheek like he was sending him off on a journey.

“I’m sorry for saying those things Mark.” He whispers. “Please forgive me.”

A yawn escapes him and he closes his eyes.

* * *

“Mark! Hey wait up!” Lucas runs after him, seeing Mark leave the classroom.

Mark stops and turns around to greet him with the best smile he can. Lucas barges into him, long limbs and all, and wraps one arm around his shoulder. “Let’s have lunch together.”

He didn’t get any protest from Mark and so they head outside, opting for the benches near the sports fields. They grab drinks from a nearby vending machine and sandwiches from the kiosk at the end of the bleachers and sit cross-legged, neatly folding the wrapping then setting it aside.

Mark takes a look around. It’s been a while since he has eaten here. The sky is overcast, some soccer players lingering still risking the rain. The first question comes from him.

“Where are the others?”

“Mostly off to get schoolwork done, but..” Lucas looks up from his sandwich, “Winwin and Yuta are probably on a lunch date.”

Mark laughs. “Didn’t want to be a third wheel?”

“Who likes being a third wheel?”

He gives Lucas a smirk, “Well you know soon enough that will be me around you and Renjun”

Lucas stops chewing and punches Mark’s shoulder, “Probably not sooner than you think,” he replies then goes back to his sandwich.

“I’m sure everything will fall into place.” Mark gives him a smile, a full mouthed one while chewing. Lucas laughs, “Thanks.”

Lucas and Mark hear a strong kick to a soccer ball. Their eyes follow it as it goes out of bounds. Mark wishes it was more of this quiet observation with occasional chewing than what Lucas brings up next.

“So, what about you and Donghyuck?”

He can’t blame him because with where the topic was going, it was bound to be brought up. Mark grabs a tissue and wipes the corners of his mouth taking his time.

“I actually don’t know….we kind of got into a fight.”

Lucas has finished his sandwich and has his full attention towards Mark, angling his body to face him more.

“Oh….do you want to talk about it?”

Mark wants to talk about it with Donghyuck more than anything. They woke up beside each other the day after, bodies facing away lying on their sides. Mark had to borrow clothes from Donghyuck, too late to go back home, and it was awkward because he was more considerate than usual. If they didn’t fight, he’d be confident to just grab the clothes without asking, knowing Donghyuck would be fine with it. But he didn’t know where they stood.

They still walked to school together, full uncomfortable silence, and parted ways with a mistimed hesitant goodbye.

“Lucas I’m sorry if I’m bad friend.” It comes out of him like an exclamation.

“What?” Lucas’ eyes widen at the statement. “Where’s this coming from?”

Mark stands up from the bench, hands in his hoodie. He’s figuring out how to say this, usually only open about his feelings to Donghyuck and even then it takes a lot of energy to coax it out of him. He looks back at Lucas who was waiting for a reply patiently. Discussing it would help. Let out the pressure from something about to explode. Every word that Donghyuck let slip that night he remembered in bold. It was hard not to think about it when he returned the next day to his routine.

But now when he did he felt guilty that he was ignoring his friends.

“I don’t spend as much time with you guys…I’m not there.”

Lucas invites him to sit back down. “Is this what you and Donghyuck fought about?”

Mark opts to keep standing and nods.

“I can’t be everywhere at once.”

“Nobody can.”

“But I….I hate that I make you guys feel that way. Like I ignore you and I’m off somewhere.”

Lucas talks to him like he’s trying to tame a wild thing. In his eyes at that moment, Mark seemed crazed, spitting out more words than he needed to. “But we understand Mark. It’s important to you.”

“But you guys are important to me too. Does that mean I keep choosing academics and achievements over you guys?”

Lucas paused, not having an answer for that. If he told him another reassurance he feared that he would get the same result, Mark asking more pointed questions, accusatory. So instead he gets up from his seat and walks over to Mark.

He opens his arms and when Mark looks at him incredulously Lucas leans forward and gathers him in a full-bodied hug. “Maybe we haven’t been taking as much initiative as Donghyuck to tell you Mark. And that’s on us. We’re sorry.”

Mark has his head down pushing on Lucas’ chest, a little embarrassed. He hasn't seen this side of Lucas, the open with his feelings, sensitive kind. Renjun may have more experience with this.

Lucas continues, “But we’re still your friends and I’m sure Donghyuck is too. Friends can fight.”

“Yeah…” Mark mumbles. “I’m still sorry.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

Mark replies, “I’ve been told that’s a very Mark thing to do.”

Lucas chuckles, “You’re going to have to move past it. It’s not good to sit on those feelings.”

Mark hears another ball being kicked, the slap of the foot against it, a lone sound all across the entire field. He feels himself sinking like he usually does, into blame, into what he could’ve done differently, if the other person or party felt the same way. He raises his head from Lucas’ chest and wonders what Donghyuck was doing now. Probably eating the lunch his mom made for him, eating slowly when he’s sad. Was it vain to think that he caused Donghyuck to be that sad? No, it was more of knowing him as well as he does. Vanity isn’t the same as guilt. It doesn’t feel this weighted.

From Lucas’ view Mark’s gaze was on him but looking through him in the way that something in the distance was far more interesting. Mark was in his head more than usual, and that was saying something. He pulls away.

“I….I have to go…I feel like a hypocrite. And after I said all those things.” He still had meetings and things to go over.

Lucas grips him by the shoulders, “Hey I told you not to be too hard on yourself. Go do your leadership stuff. You can’t expect to drop them all at once.”

Mark nods his head, seeing how Lucas still gives him his usual goofy smile. “I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll go look for Renjun.” There’s a blush on Lucas’ cheeks now but he had the expression of bravado, quirking his eyes up mischievously.

Nothing had to change at least for now, but he felt like he had a new thing to accomplish. Entirely different than an achievement at school. He wanted to get right on it.

“I’ll make it up to you. All of you. I promise.”

Lucas pinches his cheeks and Mark is unable to escape it. “Awwww Mark! So cute!”

“Stop it please…”

Lucas’ voice softens, “We’re your friends. Take your time. I have a feeling this is going to be entirely new territory for you.”

It would be but Mark didn't feel scared. The motivation that usually surged through him was still there but now it felt focused and assured on a different end result. It excited him and he’d use that.

“I know I know. I promise I won’t turn it to an objective.”

He looks up at the sky, that was pouring rain now, the soccer players running with their shirts held over their head, the ball tucked under an arm, getting drenched, but still laughing and joyous all the same.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added TWO chapters today! I really like how they turned out and I appreciate any feedback or comments you'd have. Let me know don't be shy! The last chapter will be posted Friday or Saturday night. It's full of FLOOF!! <3
> 
> If you'd like to donate to the residents that suffered the typhoon in the Philippines here's a link: https://twitter.com/philredcross/status/1327502945294843904  
> Share it at your leisure!

Mark lied, he was intimidated. He is afraid to look at his corkboard and locker now but he has to do it. Well, one for practical reasons. He still has the rest of the school year left but two, in order for him to make it up to Donghyuck, his friends, and most importantly himself, he has to face whatever Donghyuck pointed out. But the sight of the post it clusters, and marker boldened dates now hold a new fear he couldn’t take back

Ever since the lunch with Lucas, Mark tempered his restlessness to do something. He was sitting on his hands, still carrying on with his guitar club, basketball, and dance with the urge to plan how to change and what were the options. It would be unreasonable to just drop everything. He wouldn’t do that to his members.

But he had to do something. He had to have a game plan, otherwise, everything would be all for naught.

He is rushing down the stairs, just coming from a meeting with the coach. The afternoon is sinking into the walls and students are filing out coming from their own activities. Mark sometimes has his blinders on too tightly that he’s amazed how many people there are in school he hasn’t met yet. There are new faces that were surely not all freshmen.

As he nears his locker, he recalls how he met eyes with Donghyuck this morning, so briefly. There was a little wave on his end, just a shy hello of his hand at his side. He couldn’t help it. Donghyuck had puffed up hair and was in mid laugh when they saw each other. Mark felt a little bitter that he looked unaffected by everything that happened. But, he was still so breathtaking, round eyes and slightly damp shirt and all. When Donghyuck returned his gaze, they both were at pause, at either end of a tightly pulled string.

Donghyuck returned it with a little smile, with what Mark didn’t see how he was affected beneath all of it, a unanimous sigh coursing through him. Even when he was so sure, they would make up, Donghyuck still wanted to know they were okay. It’s a thing of fights when you still care about the other person so much. You’re still a little scared. And also on Donghyuck’s end, Mark looked unfairly beautiful too.

Mark’s locker clicks open with the code, all muscle memory by now and on the wall of the door he sees them, his post its, schedules, reminders like the scales of a dragon peeling off,

Deadline by Monday

Make sure to give this to so and so

Study for biology

Meeting with coach tomorrow. That one he takes off.

Is this what Donghyuck looked through each day? Not to mention, this is only what was physically here now. There is also his schedule at home, then coordinating with his club mates back and forth. Mark’s shoulders droop a bit.

He stands by telling Donghyuck that it was irresponsible of him to reach the point that he shirked his own schoolwork. That was just bad self–management but what he couldn't be so sure of was what else Donghyuck said that night. _And I don’t even know if you like doing all of this_.

He is somewhat right. He isn’t sure if he likes doing all of this.

When he was given the time to think about it, out from all of the quiet, why was the answer not immediate? There was no assured YES, he LOVED doing all of this, when he walked through the halls legs straight, shoulders back, onto to the next meeting. He liked it when the coach gave him praises and when they won the game. When it all came together, practices in the guitar room, seeing how far his clubmates have come in terms of skills or the dancers showing off performances they thought they could never do.

That’s just it really. He likes the feeling of it afterwards. He feels like he was always chasing it, and never did he stop to think for himself, is he in the moment for those things along the way?

_No_. He answers to himself. _No he wasn’t_.

This is a big thing to realize and it weighs heavy on him because look, look at what he has established. How far he has come with thinking this way.

So where does he go from now?

He looks from post it to post it like he could play a game of connect the dots and the answer would just be right there in front of him. Mark thinks that in a way the answers are there, hard pills to swallow, but he’d have to do it. He’d have to cross the bridge at some point. He reaches out a hand and takes down the post its one by one. There is a part of him that’s familiar with this and that’s what he rests on. Getting things done was his specialty.

Now he just has to be a little bit selfish. And that would be the hard part.

* * *

It’s another day and Mark’s at the front of the classroom ready for his usual discussion with the dance crew. He’s leaning on the desk, hands a little white from the grip he has on it. Okay maybe it isn’t the usual discussion because today he is nervous to try something new. He just hopes no one gets mad at him. Please let no one be mad at him. He straightens up and clears his throat to get their attention. Everyone turns their heads to look at their leader.

“Good morning everyone!....ummm…”

All of their faces are expectant and that makes it even harder. He lands his eyes on Taeyong at the back of the room and he telepathically pleads, get up here. Physically it resembles more of a puppy pout.

Taeyong jogs to the front, clapping an arm down Mark’s shoulder. He’s still a little shy, tilting his head down a little, but Mark isn’t worried, not at all. Every time at practice he sees how encouraging Taeyong is, how much he pays attention and helps everyone. He’ll be fine.

Mark speaks up, “First things first.” He gestures to Taeyong. “Meet your new co captain.”

Everyone in the room erupts with cheers, wild and stomps down feet. There are hoots and shouts that he would be worried about it if this were during lunch time. Thank God everyone in the school was dismissed by now. Mark covers his ears but he doesn't notice how wide he was smiling. Coach Ten even joins in but eventually tries to settle everyone down.

Everything proceeds as usual, discussing agenda, warm ups, evaluating the last routine, then practice, lots and lots of practice. Of course the occasional water breaks.

Mark was gulping down his and from the corner of his eye he sees the crewmates jumping on Taeyong, teasing him, their way of congratulations.

That wasn’t as bad as he expected and Mark feels more relieved than he has been in a long time.

* * *

Mark would’ve been scrambling by now with all of the group projects. He counts four but surprisingly, he isn’t flustered. He made a resolve to delegate the tasks better as opposed to taking most them for himself. Partially it was because he had high standards. The other part was because he didn't want to embarrass himself to his group or partner especially with his circulating reputation.

Mark is in the library now. Who knew he’d give it a try. He looks around like he’s a tourist on vacation, everything looking new. He’s lightly tapping his foot waiting for his groupmate, still itching to do something. Guess he couldn’t expect to change that about himself overnight, or even in a few weeks. No matter, he knows it would happen someway somehow as long as he kept working on it. The library would still be his least preferred place though.

Eventually his groupmate does show up, just a few minutes late. With someone else to talk to he actually doesn't mind the atmosphere. But putting his trust in another person is still hard. Mark looks up every now from where he is working. He’d have to breathe through it he tells himself. It’s something he has to work on.

Maybe what they would’ve come up with would grade less than what Mark expects usually when he works on something individually. But Mark looks at him and sees he’s working hard and there’s value in that. More value in bringing a torch together than lighting the fire on your own.

Head down Mark. Head down.

* * *

It’s nighttime and Mark walks down the stairs through the living room to get a glass of water. His mom is on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, remote in hand and the closing of the refrigerator door gets her attention.

“You still studying Mark?”

“Nope” he sets the glass on the counter. “Was just thirsty. Gonna sleep soon”

“hmmm” she replies thinking for a moment. “usually you’d be up later than this. Can you pour me a glass too sweetheart.”

Mark nods his head, not like she was looking at him anyway, and sets to pour the second glass. Earlier today Mark was set on this, sleeping earlier. He had to force himself the first few days to try. It was new to him to set a scheduled alarm for sleeping. Usually for him those would only be for waking up. But he thinks now his body has gotten a better rhythm for it. It was nice to fall asleep because he wanted to, not because he was too tired to keep awake.

Mark rounds to the couch and sits for a while with his mom.

“No Donghyuck tonight?” Mark knows he should’ve seen that coming.

“Nope”

She turns to him, “Is everything ok?” She knew how close they were.

“Yeah, everything will be fine.” Mark doesn’t want to elaborate. He just has that relationship with his family he thinks. He’s thankful they gave him more independence than the average youngest son. Maybe knowing that their son was the type who liked to do things on his own, stubbornly at that. Mark is the way he is and he never feels unloved because of that.

“Maybe I should take some advice from you.” She reaches for the remote and presses the big fat power button. “I’m too old to stay up this late for my shows.”

He gets up with her as they walk to the kitchen and place their glasses in the sink.

Mark couldn't wait to just get in bed and drift off. Not falling asleep for the first few minutes and just not having to think about anything. He figured it out that the off switch to his overactive thoughts was better switched off more gradual like a dimmer. That applies to the changes he was making too. The less he expected of himself to accomplish loosening up and just take it at his own pace, the more he felt like sleeping, delegating tasks, trusting group mates could be an everyday thing.

He takes a few moments pause, as him mom pats down his head, kissing his cheek, “Invite Donghyuck next time ok? I like it when he comes over.”

She’s set to head to the bathroom to get ready for bed, but before that turns over her shoulder saying, “I’m sure you miss cuddling with him too.”

Mark is left in the kitchen, red faced. He knows that she knew and that his family knew how close they were but this was the most direct someone among them addressed it. It is just playful, something of a smirk his mom left in the air before leaving. But Mark is wide-awake now, light headed.

He’d calm down when he’d get in bed. Yeah that’s what he’d do. And yes he’d be a little sad that Donghyuck wasn’t there waiting for him but the lightness of the thought of him should be enough for tonight.

* * *

When Mark steps into school he knows he’d have to face it eventually and in the back of his mind he kept reminding himself to just make it through the day and leave the rest in the moment. During art, math, and science he was sitting on his fear like he was keeping a flock of sheep inside a gateless field.

Come lunch he congratulates himself for being halfway there. Now the important part is what happened next. He couldn't enjoy his food sitting at the table with his friends. He couldn't even enjoy his and Donghyuck’s progress that day, exchanging the few words of courage they had in the hallway.

“How have you been?”

“Good and you?”

Oh shit were they boring each other? It was about as dry as Mark’s skin during winter.

“Fine too..”

“Listen,” Donghyuck said looking at him shyly, “would you wanna watch a movie….. Friday night…. my house?”

Mark notices that Donghyuck is speaking in phrases. Not because he is making it up as he went along but because he is nervous too. Even now he finds him too cute to resist.

“Yeah sure I’d love too.”

What it felt like for the both of them was a collective sigh of everything would be fine after all and that was the solution for the weeks of awkwardness and silence. It took just a few seconds.

For Mark however it was short lived. He has something else to worry about.

“I um…..I’ll text you okay?” He said as he backed away. Hopefully Donghyuck didn't take it like he was still unsure about making up with him. But he couldn't touch Donghyuck’s thoughts in that way.

“Oh umm…yeah sure. See you later okay!”

If Mark could’ve just stayed there in that moment, catching up with Donghyuck he would. But now he’s here, his thoughts and heart a mix of hesitation and forced courage. He knows he thought this through well enough. Mark Lee is never one to enter a decision without a thorough run down of consequences. Everything pointed to this as the most logical and right thing to do. But it is different when he was here standing outside the office, feet hard and flat against the polished floors.

He had nothing in his hands, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. The hallways are getting quiet now that it was the end of school. He knows that one of the best techniques to avoid procrastination is to just switch of his thoughts and just go for it.

And so that’s what he does. He knocks thrice on the door, waits for the voice on the other side granting permission, then enters.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added TWO chapters today! I really like how they turned out and I appreciate any feedback or comments you'd have. Let me know don't be shy! The last chapter will be posted Friday or Saturday night. It's full of FLOOF!! <3
> 
> If you'd like to donate to the residents that suffered the typhoon in the Philippines here's a link: https://twitter.com/philredcross/status/1327502945294843904  
> Share it at your leisure!

Donghyuck is furious that he is the last to know. Or at least that’s what it feels like.

Mark quit guitar club.

Donghyuck is frantic looking for him backpack in tow shifting unsteadily.

Mark quit guitar club and where is he?

The cold end of the year provided no comfort as Donghyuck rushes out of singing practice. His teacher, thank goodness, was a nice man too timid to reprimand him. He’d apologize and work harder next session.

_Where are you?_ He texts. And Donghyuck expects the reply to be somewhere in school. He stops at the corner of a corridor catching his breath, thinking that it was better for him to wait for the exact location than checking all of the rooms he knew Mark could’ve been at.

Donghyuck would’ve done that though, checked every room.

Some time ago he wouldn't have batted an eyelash as to where Mark might be in his schedules. The answer would be right at the ready, the schedule already a visualized grid. But that was weeks ago and Donghyuck’s kicking himself now that it isn’t in his skillset anymore.

_Home_ Mark replies.

_Why you coming over? I thought movie night was Friday?_

How could Mark sound so okay, so fine? It’s probably the emotionlessness of everything that’s spoken through text and whatever Donghyuck isn’t reading on the screen he fills it in for himself.

Mark must have felt awful. Their fight wasn’t as long forgotten as he thought. He would’ve still found a moment on Friday to apologize, while their legs tangled under one blanket, the laptop setting the room aglow. He’d look to his side and see Mark fixated on the screen, maybe bored depending on the movie and the thought of how angry he was, how he yelled at Mark, replaying it in his mind.

I’m sorry he’d let slip and the rest would go on from there.

_I’m coming over_ , Donghyuck sends off and he doesn't wait for the reply. Instead, he stuffs his phone in his backpack and brisk walks to the gates, now knowing where to head.

Donghyuck runs various speeches in his head on how to apologize but none of them feel enough. He should be there in the room with Mark to explain everything. Maybe he’d even go with him to his guitar teacher’s to beg back for the membership.

_Why did I have to guilt Mark into quitting?_

He stops when the pedestrian light switches to red, impatient and bouncing on his toes. He’d be there in the room, able to express things more fully. I’m sorry Mark, with his pleading eyes. Please reconsider, with a calm but firm grip on his arm. He’d step forward closer to Mark and hug him so tightly that there would be no doubt Mark would feel how much he ached for them to be okay again after all of those weeks apart.

But when Donghyuck does arrive at the door, there are birds chirping and the door is solid and silent. He shifts on one foot then the other. This isn’t how he imagined it to be. He’s more nervous than he expects.

Every word he had planned hid deeper in his throat.

Just knock first, he says to himself.

Donghyuck hopes it’s Mark’s mom, father or brother, and counting on those odds, three out of four, they aren’t too bad. He does knock and the door opens.

Mark stands there, already dressed down, contacts out, glasses on, in a loose white shirt and red joggers. He’s barefoot and looks so soft.

Damn it. The odds weren’t on Donghyuck’s side today.

The looks on their faces were worlds apart. Mark was expecting him at the door while Donghyuck’s was paused at a loss, hopeful that it was somebody else who would answer so he wouldn’t have to face everything so soon.

Mark gestures for him to come in and Donghyuck nods with a soft thank you. When was everything so formal between them? You’d think they were shy kids on the first day of school.

In Donghyuck’s mind, amongst all of the nervousness and apology on the tip of his tongue, Mark was the host here. He should lead. But yes the nervousness and apology were still the gray clouds over his head. Yes those were still there.

It’s still unavoidable. Mark was still handsome as ever up close. Donghyuck knows that that’s the other reason why he wasn’t saying anything. A few weeks apart may have made Donghyuck long for seeing Mark in a stripped down state, the way he sniffles his nose and adjusts his glasses. He always had his contacts in which is why it felt so special to see him like this.

“The snacks….they’re in my room. Let’s go?” Mark said, breaking the silence.

Did they have to be so awkward with each other? Donghyuck is more impatient than ever to make up for those lost weeks just to get back into their rhythm, make jokes and jabs.

And maybe discuss the kiss before all of this shit went down.

There was that beneath it all, on both of their minds.

Mark grabs his laptop off his desk assuming that Donghyuck wanted to watch the movie today. He hesitates but lands his eyes on him as he types in his password. “So what movie are you in the mood for? Comedy? Horror? Romance? All of the above?” He knows the answer by now like the back of his hand. But he just wanted to be sure

Donghyuck is still just standing there in the middle of the room with his bag by his side, never setting it down. His eyes scan the room. It feels airier. Maybe it’s been a while since Donghyuck hung out here in the afternoon instead of the nighttimes full of homework, papers, clacking of keyboards. He realizes there’s less paper on Mark’s desk, none at all in fact.

And the books were kept away, and the laptop Mark pulled out was shut down instead of set to sleep mode.

“Hyuck? We don’t have to talk about it if…”

Donghyuck’s eyes land on the guitar in the corner and suddenly he’s thrown back to rushing to Mark’s place, the spontaneous text and realization that it was all his fault that Mark quit in the first place.

“I’m sorry Mark!” It comes out of him in a yell.

Mark’s taken aback by the suddenness of it. He thought at least they’d approach the topic a little bit shyer with the way things were awkward.

“Hey Donghyuck it’s okay…we’re okay…” Mark approaches him and pats the space on the bed.

Donghyuck, however, is stubborn in standing. “I’m not talking about the fight Mark….but well…. we’ll get to that.”

Mark’s puzzled, “ What’s this about then?”

In all the years Donghyuck has known Mark, he looks at him and sees a determination unmatched. He works until it’s finished no matter how boring or tedious the task is, Mark sees things through. Donghyuck wasn’t like that. He has the activities he holds close to his identity, singing, hanging out with friends, and the rest he could just do half heartedly without worrying about outcomes.

He’d never think he would be the reason Mark gave up on something but here he was, looking at the guitar Mark might never pick up again. All because he said Mark didn’t care about them.

“I’m sorry Mark. I’m so fucking sorry!” He couldn’t help it. He burst into tears. “I didn’t mean it….I didn’t mean it at all….” The tears kept coming and he starts to rub his eyes.

“Whoa Hyuck! Hey!” Mark crosses over to meet the younger in the middle of the room, urgent and shaken by the suddenness of his sobbing. He knows he shouldn't be thinking about it right now but Mark can’t help it. He gets to hold Donghyuck, with more permission to be tender and gentle. “If this isn’t about our fight what is it about?” He pushes Donghyuck’s hair out of the way to get to his eyes, the ones that were scrunched up and teary with apology.

Donghyuck leans into Mark, his arms wrapping around his torso, toe to toe, the warmth of the gesture making him even more emotional. He can feel Mark’s lithe but muscular arms like the ends of a ribbon tying him to the spot. Let him be in this moment before the discuss everything. Right now, Mark and him leave no space between each other.

Mark’s gaze matches Donghyuck as the latter looks up at him, shoulders still shaking but eyes now round and trying to be clear, trying to push past all the tears to reply. Mark is patient with this even though he couldn't stand the worry in his heart seeing Donghyuck like this.

Donghyuck finally replies, more in another question, “Why did you quit guitar Mark?”

That was not at all what Mark expected.

He holds Donghyuck out at arms length trying to search for the clarity of the situation, Donghyuck clearly not fine with the distance makes a move to hold him close again and explain.

“I didn’t mean those things Mark…I …I… I love seeing when you’re passionate about something. You never let yourself down and you’re always true to your word. And the best part is you’re so happy afterwards, even if you didn’t do that well. You’re always onto the next assignment, helping someone else out even leading a team.”

Donghyuck couldn’t just spring those compliments on him like that. It made Mark feel shy again as he was the one he leaned into Donghyuck this time taking a deep breath, inhaling the smell of Donghyuck’s cologne and the smell of outdoors that held onto his shirt. To be honest, he was always shy when people thanked and congratulated him but no one has said it in this way, full of depth and emotion. It made him want to crawl inside himself more and hide his full on smile.

In Donghyuck’s head, he wanted to say more to diffuse the situation, that Mark looked hot and sexy when he was concentrating and working hard. The way he bit his lip or checked himself in the mirror when he was dancing. Donghyuck would check him out on the few occasions he went to Mark’s basketball practice. He’d call it a treat for himself when the week was over which, in Renjun’s opinion, was creepy. It was the way Mark’s eyes pointed at whatever his goal was, Donghyuck would tell him. It was hot.

Saying that now would be inappropriate though. At least it saved him some tears.

Mark rubs circles on his back, “It’s ok, I know.” Mark’s grasping for words of sincerity, still a little shy from the compliments, “I didn’t take it that way at all. All those things you said were true.”

“Then why would you quit guitar Mark? You love guitar…”

Mark thinks this is the quietest Donghyuck has ever said anything. They need to sit down for this. Does Donghyuck think it’s his fault that he quit guitar?

“I can’t love guitar outside of guitar club?” Mark chuckles.

They sit on the edge of the bed legs dangling, the sun long gone by now. Mark is still holding Donghyuck’s hand on his lap playing with the fingers. He looks to the side and sees Donghyuck’s head bowed down. He hates that Donghyuck felt guilty over this.

Donghyuck guilty then him guilty. It’s just going to be another cycle of guilt unless someone breaks it and that’s what Mark intends to do. He raises the younger’s chin to look at him, gaze soft, eyes with a soft sheen in each person, one from tears and the other from resolve.

“I didn’t quit guitar because of you Donghyuck….well maybe in some way…yes I did?”

Bad way to start off Mark, bad waaayy. He shifts his position on the bed crossing his legs and fully turning to the other.

“Okay okay maybe I should clarify.” He now holds both hands of the other in his, warm and rubbing the soft underside. “That day when you said all of those things, I wanted to deny it, all of it. What I work so hard for everyday would feel so meaningless but the truth is I realized it already has.”

Donghyuck perks up as if to rebut but Mark continues. He really should get to the point. “I know it’s a sweeping statement and it’s true. I became a robot these past few school years and at the expense of my friendship. That’s where you were right. I did neglect things and I should be the one saying sorry.”

Donghyuck was looking through him, hands now gripping back with equal comfort, trying to assure the other. His brows were furrowed and Mark thought he looked so cute like an angry teddy bear.

“But I don’t think everything is lost. Not at all. I think reevaluating what I put my energy into I could get my passion back and it’s happening. I had to quit guitar not because I don’t love it Donghyuck because I really still do Hyuck believe me. I quit because every time I pick it up I did so out of obligation. It’s sad to think that I lost passion in it because of guitar club but that’s what happened. Taking a step back I’m sure I’ll find it on my own time.”

Donghyuck’s eyes were now tearful and expectant. What he said went through to Mark. All those weeks apart he came to his own conclusions and really thought it through. It made sense and he’s glad Mark didn’t do it out of guilt but in the name of doing what’s best for himself.

“Oh yeah I also stepped down from being dance captain.”

“You what?!”

“To co–captain, to co–captain!” Mark quickly follows up. He should learn how to get to the point quicker. “Taeyong will be helping me and I think he’s a great fit.”

Mark doesn’t notice it but now Donghyuck shifts closer, fully facing him too, legs overlapping with each other. Mark continues, “I’ve also been better at delegating tasks in group projects better…..also eating more often and sleeping on a schedule. I switch off my phone and everything.”

Donghyuck was full on grinning now, somewhat a proud smile but mostly filled with the playfulness of a trickster.

“Maybe I should yell at you more often, my my my Mark.” He pats his shoulder like he’s some sort of proud uncle, “You've grown up so fast.” Mark rolls his eyes as Donghyuck wipes away a fake tear which is funny when he was just crying minutes ago. Guess it’s back to the overfamiliar jokes and oversharing. Mark wouldn't have had it any other way.”

“But seriously Mark..” Donghyuck’s tone becomes more earnest. “I’m so fucking happy for you…I…I…I...”

This time it’s Donghyuck who leans in for the kiss, capturing the lips across his. They would join the grand stories of love in Donghyuck’s mind. He feels so much pride for his best friend, for his first love, hopefully his boyfriend in the next few minutes when he gets the chance to ask.

Mark tastes like toothpaste and softness pushing against him. Donghyuck loves that he can feel the smile against his and the hand that’s grazing the side of his neck.

For Mark, Donghyuck’s lips feel like pillows, so much warmth radiating from them. He’s determined and eager pushing for more and Mark can’t help but laugh. He loves how energetic Donghyuck is, loves how happy he makes him. Donghyuck would be the type to pepper kisses out of happiness and Mark loves that. He’d pretend to be annoyed but he knows if he doesn't wake up to them, mornings would feel empty.

Donghyuck holds Mark’s face and presses three long pecks to his lips exaggerating the sound. “Mwaaahh!”

He loves the sound of Mark’s laughter.

Their foreheads press together, eyes never leaving each other’s gaze.

“Does that mean we have more time for this then?” Donghyuck whispers.

Mark laughs at that, “hahahaha selfish aren’t we?” He picks Donghyuck up easily, the latter letting out a yelp of surprise, as he’s gently laid on his back on the bed, Mark hovering above him. “But yes….more time for us then.” He hums in satisfaction.

Looking down at Donghyuck it’s so easy for his eyes to be drawn to those lips, his smile, the round cheek, all him and everything he loves. “I couldn’t stop thinking about when I kissed you that one day.” He’s drawing circles now on Donghyuck’s open palm.

There’s the mischievous grin back on his face , “Oh are we regretting it? You wound me Mark…” Donghyuck starts to pout and Mark retaliates by tickling his sides, filling the room with laughter and the books on the tables forgotten.

Donghyuck’s smile is everywhere as he begs him to stop. God he is beautiful Mark thinks.

Once he does stop his revenge he answers it with a kiss then, “You know I’d never regret that…” He’s shy again and surprisingly Donghyuck is too at Mark’s words, Mark looking away but then, Donghyuck with his right hand, gently pushes Mark’s cheek to look at him.

“It’s just I was so nervous.” Mark noses the side of Donghyuck’s face tickling him a little as he whispers. “You make me so nervous Hyuck…”

Donghyuck looks up at him. He’s so cute and sweet. How could Mark be so nervous? “Why would you be nervous Mark when I feel the same way?”

It’s another smile and kiss they dive into, now holding each other more closely. Their legs were tangled, chests pressing against each other, and an arm wrapped around a strong bicep.

They missed each other so much.

* * *

“You know you praised me so much a while ago when you're the one I should be jealous of” Mark didnt even know if Donghyuck was up but the body beside him shifts. Donghyuck opens his eyes and raises his head a little to see Mark with an arm behind his head. Why did he have to be so effing hot?

“Oh yes please continue I’d love to hear this.” Donghyuck is now fully attentive and fully conceited.

Mark turns on his side to face him, “No but I’m serious.”

He taps his nose. Donghyuck feels like falling asleep again.

Mark continues, “You’re passionate about what you do and I want that.”

He pulls Donghyuck close to him and gets a grumble from the younger and Mark thinks it’s precious. It doesn’t stop him from pressing their bodies together so late in the blur between night and morning.

“I want that for me.” He says mindlessly.


	12. Chapter 12

It’s the right thing to do Mark assures himself. All this time they were hanging out with each other now with the permission of kissing and more affection than usual. But they never said it. They never said they were dating.

He’s sure he did this out of order or too belatedly. After that first kiss and after the reconciliation, Mark wants to go back to those moments and add the phrase “Do you want to go on a date?” He’d whisper it so angrily at his past self _Just say it Mark. Just say it. It would save you all this time overthinking._

He had those moments with Donghyuck on the park bench, arms around each other, a few words thrown here and there, where he thinks it doesn’t matter if they say it out loud when they’re so sure of each other in the moment. Donghyuck was the one who would initiate the passionate make out sessions, saying sweet words that left Mark a blushing mess. _Why does he have to say it so many times? It’s making me melt. He’s so sweet._

Mark’s affection, on the other hand catches Donghyuck off guard. One time they were buying snacks at the convenience store since ice cream was out of the question in this weather. Donghyuck was wearing a pale brown sweater, amidst the aisles of bold and shiny product packaging. Mark was deciding what snack he wanted to get, looking at a bag of chips when in the corner of his eyes he sees Donghyuck beside him and just looks at him.

He was freshly showered, soft hair falling over his eyes slightly. His moles on full display, a map of what Mark wanted to kiss. Donghyuck wasn’t even paying attention to him but still Mark just thinks out of nowhere that he was so handsome in the moments he was just being.

“Let’s head to the cashier?” Donghyuck turns to him.

Mark presses a kiss to his cheek, a soft and tender one, and when he backs away wide eyes and a big grin greet him. “What was that for?”

“Nothing” Mark replies. He figures Donghyuck wasn’t the only one he catches off guard. He surprises himself too.

“uhhhh…ummmm…let’s go. I’m paying…”

In the end, in both scenarios Mark’s the one who’s left furiously shy and blushing, with more of Donghyuck’s teasing that he secretly loves.

The asking Donghyuck out on a date he brings it up one day to his friends while eating lunch. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’re seeing each other!!!!!??”

Okay maybe he forgot to tell them about the whole reconciliation and that they’ve been getting together. Donghyuck was off somewhere with Jaemin and Jeno he supposes but with his friend group yelling they might as well have invited the whole school to his personal life.

“Hey! Hey! Keep it down...” Mark hears wolf whistles and stray cheers from other tables. “uhh yeah I guess. I told you guys I don’t know what to call this. Technically I haven’t even asked him out yet.”

“I don’t think you need to. It’s just that big worrying Mark brain of yours.” Lucas supplies.

“I disagree. Donghyuck loves that kind of thing, big gestures and all. And besides, defining the thing can only do good especially when Mark’s been overthinking this much.” Renjun says from beside Lucas, the two none the wiser when they were holding hands under the table.

Mark twirls his fork in his food. “So….which one of you asked the other out?”

Everyone else at the table drops their utensils on the plates.

“So you two as well huh??!!” Yuta exasperatedly says. “Guess Winwin and I are the only ones with some courtesy here to share.”

“babe…..” Winwin tries to placate his boyfriend but it only ends up with Yuta cooing compliments and pinching his cheeks, as if Winwin wasn’t shy enough.

“Don’t act like you two didn’t keep your relationship from us the first few weeks. Besides…” Taeyong looks at Lucas, Mark and Renjun like a proud father, “They can tell us on their own terms.”

The three look back at Taeyong in thanks but it takes more of Lucas’ hand holding and soft kisses to the cheek to calm Renjun down. In the couples' heads, At least it was out of the way rather than making their status a big deal to announce to the group. Thanks Mark.

Mark tethers them back to the matter at hand “So yeah Donghyuck and I are ….gaaahhh I told you I don't know what to call it! Maybe dating? Maybe pre dating if I’m going to ask him eventually? I’d like some advice from the couples present at the table.”

“Ouch…” Jisung and Taeyong clench their chests in faux hurt.

Winwin clears his throat, “Well I asked Yuta on a date….”

“YOU asked YUTA??!!” Lucas says in shock.

Winwin shies away a little, “…well yeah he was taking so long to do it…”

The rest of the table bursts out in laughter while Yuta is left there pouting in shame, “I’m sorryyyyyy babe.” Yuta whines while hugging Winwin resting his chin on the latter's shoulder. “You’re not exactly the easiest person talk to….I know I act all proud and shameless but….when we’re alone together and I’m making you laugh and smile it’s kind of hard to say things to your pretty face…”

Jisung fake vomits with Taeyong, Lucas basks in the cheesiness, Mark covers his face in a loud cringe and Renjun rolls his eyes so far away it should be kicked back to him like a soccer ball.

  
Winwin surprisingly doesn’t shy away from the compliment probably used to Yuta’s antics by now and instead melts at his boyfriend’s words giving him a light peck. “That’s so sweet…you make me nervous too.”

Yuta tries to attend to the moaning and groaning around the table. “Be disgusted all you guys want. You know what I’m talking about especially you three.” He looks at Renjun, Lucas and Mark who, having stopped their antics have no proper comeback for what Yuta just said. They do know what he’s talking about, Renjun and Lucas looking at each other then away, blushing.

Winwin continues, “Anyway so yeah, after one of our study sessions I just asked him out for a bite. We went to Yuta’s favorite street food stall and I just asked him then and there plain and simple.”

“Almost dropped my food,” Yuta grumbles but nonetheless presses a kiss to Winwin’s temple most likely reminiscing the memory.

“Don’t overthink it too much Mark. It will feel right whatever happens.” Mark looks across the table to Winwin and nods.

Don’t overthink it. He makes sure to remember that.

“So how about you two?” Jisung points his fork to Renjun and Lucas. “How did you ask each other out?”

Taeyong adds, “Bet it was Renjun who asked.”

“Same. But after Winwin and Yuta’s story I’m not so sure.” Jisung says.

The whole table turns to the couple, Renjun looking as normal as ever while Lucas has turned into a hunched babbling mess.

“I asked.” Lucas says then he turns to Renjun. “Actually I don’t even think I told this part to you baby.”

Renjun perks up his ears at that, “Tell me what?” Now this is interesting.

“Well I was supposed to ask you either way. I planned this full private trip out to the beach and no it wasn't a grand set up of fairy lights, white picnic blanket and pillows.”

“Trust us. No one would be surprised if you actually did that.” Mark adds.

Lucas continues full attention still on Renjun, “Anyway yeah we would have just had a walk on the shore then I would’ve maybe said a few things on how much you meant to me….”

The table is quiet. Hearing Lucas like this is so disorienting, so different from his usual loud laughs and big hugger energy.

Rennjun responds in kind to Lucas’ word by sitting closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Continue babe. I wanna hear the rest of it.”

Lucas breathes in, “But I had all that planned for the weekend.”

Renjun is puzzled, “You asked me out Thursday after school though. It was supposed to be the upcoming weekend?”

Lucas nods.

“Couldn’t help yourself huh? Too impatient to keep him waiting.” Taeyong raises an expectant eyebrow from him.

“That seems like something I would do huh? But it wasn’t at all because I was impatient. Someone asked me out that Thursday afternoon.”

Renjun’s eyes widen, in shock, jealousy and a little fear, so Lucas takes his hand and presses a kiss to it.

“Obviously, I didn’t say yes. I couldn’t but….when he asked me my immediate answer was, ‘I already have a boyfriend sorry’ and you were on my mind the whole time.”

Renjun looks at Lucas, head tilted, hands closed in on each other tightly and Mark swears he sees his eyes are a little glassy.

“And that’s when I ran to you at the art room.”

“Ambushed me more like it,” Renjun says with a smile, “I wasn’t even finished with my painting.”

Lucas scratches his head, “I didn't want to waste the moment anymore. All that planning flew out the window but I guess even though it’s not how I planned to get there, at least we got there right?”

Renjun has to admit that Lucas is adorable like this, soft words and an unsure posture. He leans closer to his boyfriend’s side and says something along the lines of they could go to the beach this weekend if he wanted.

It’s sweet seeing them like this Mark thinks if not a little charmingly strange and he guesses the lesson from their experience is that in the moment the important thing to hold onto is the honesty of his feelings no matter how many unforeseen circumstances throw off the plan. And Mark loves a good plan. If he plans it too much there’s more chances for it to go unexpected. But hey, that was a part of who he was.

The rest of the table’s usual momentum snaps back after that, throwing around stories from their classes and clubs to any group hangouts they wanted to have the coming days.

Mark knew from the very beginning that he was going to ask Donghyuck out. Flat and outright say something along the lines of, “Let’s go on a date” as long as the word date was in the sentence. He needs that part to be clear. Maybe he needed those stories from his friends to make it feel more like a tangible, attainable thing. It just doesn’t seem real at this point.

Mark is new to all of this. It isn’t like a project he could just jump in and start right away. There’s more hesitance and intention he’s holding onto the more he thinks about it and in those instances, he ends up with more questions than concrete plans. It’s a weird feeling after so long being surefooted in everything he endeavors.

But he figures he already changed significant parts in his life recently. What’s one more to add?

He’ll think about this later before his mind becomes a jumbled mess. Right now, he just wants to be in the middle of this laughter and friendly teasing.

Jisung speaks up after some time, “So….does anyone else have any major personal updates or any other secret relationships they’d like to share?”

* * *

Life has designated invisible finish lines people are always rushing towards once the ribbon and banner are in sight, calling to them in the wind. For the end of the year, it’s December 31st, for employees it may be that last line of a report for the evening but for right now it’s a Friday and Mark is strolling through the hallways of a nearly empty school.

When were the lockers repainted or when did the frost start to press up against the glass of the windows in each classroom? He ties his scarf tighter and puts his hands inside the pockets of his coat.

It wasn’t the cold weather that was making him walk any slower but instead, for the first time in a long while, Mark could just take his time. There were no deadlines that he knew of, no obligations he was impatient to start. That checklist in his head had nothing on it.

And it was liberating. He had nowhere to be.

The slow steps he took were backgrounded by mindless humming. Everyone else is probably off on whatever Friday night plans they usually had. Earlier that morning he even had to reject an invite from Taeyong for a karaoke party with some members of the dance crew.

He’d make it up to them and the “No I’m sorry” he replied came easier and less guilty out of his mouth. He just felt like doing this for a change, nothing in particular.

He hears it as he’s turning a corner down the hallway, that unmistakable voice he hasn’t heard in a long time. It was Donghyuck’s singing.

Anyone who has ever said to follow the sound, never took into consideration how to Mark, sound came from both left and right. For a few moments, he looks like an idiot glancing down every possible corridor he can take. Eventually he does find the practice room and Mark leans against the wall beside the door and just closes his eyes.

Donghyuck’s voice to Mark sounds just like his speaking voice, bright, sweet and full of every emotion. The way it swelled to the high notes, it puts an unknowing smile on Mark’s face.

I kissed those lips he thinks.

If he hadn’t taken his time today he probably would’ve missed out on hearing this. How many afternoons has he passed by this room, running through the corridors in search of his next task, without stopping, to miss out on hearing Donghyuck’s singing, this singing that’s making his heart melt as it echoed through the silent afternoon? Just the sound alone causes him to have goosebumps, the vowels of oh’s and ah’s, and the cold around him doesn’t seem as cold anymore.

Mark was fully content to stay there the rest of the afternoon but then suddenly the singing stops and there are mumbled voices alongside chairs moving around. Mark thinks he hears profuse thank yous from Donghyuck.

The door opens. “I’m really really sorry sir I rushed our last lesson! It won’t happen again.” The professor smiles at Donghyuck in no bother. Once he sees Mark, he nods a goodbye to the two boys and heads off to the faculty room.

“Mark?” Donghyuck blinks. “I thought you went home already?”

Was Mark smiling, still hearing Donghyuck’s singing in his head? Instead of a direct reply he reaches out to secure Donghyuck’s beanie on the boy’s head tucking in the red ears. “Let’s go to the park yeah?” he asks.

Donghyuck of course says yes, clearing his throat then offering an arm to his companion.

“Lead the way.”

* * *

Their bench at the park is in sight as the two boys bundled up in their winter wear, walk alongside the river. Mark thinks if Donghyuck didn’t look like a teddy bear he definitely does now. At the convenience store, Mark offered to pay for everything and Donghyuck had no qualms with that, picking out a large bag of chips they could share and two cups of steaming hot chocolate. He sets them down beside and between them but Mark lifts the bag to sit on their laps as he presses himself against Donghyuck’s side, their thighs touching. Donghyuck’s eyes are curious but beaming.

“It’s cold” Mark just replies.

They take off their gloves to each hold the warm cups in their hands, taking tentative sips to test the temperature. As Mark sets his down, he opens his ungloved upturned palm to Donghyuck. For a moment, Donghyuck’s just blinking at him.

He laughs. “You’re supposed to hold it.”

Donghyuck sets his drink down safely beside him and complies to Mark’s request. The warmth of his palm makes him immediately feel safe and tingly all inside. He wonders when will this ever not feel this magical. They look back up at each other, Mark full on smiling at him as Donghyuck is just left there breathless.

“….ahhh Mark Lee…you can’t do this to me.” Donghyuck grumbles and if it was any more possible they press closer to each other, Donghyuck’s head resting on his shoulder.

“Your voice is still beautiful.” Mark starts.

He feels Donghyuck turn his head slightly and press a kiss to his neck. He gulps as he feels soft lips make contact with his skin. “And what makes you think you can do that to me?” Mark splutters. Donghyuck just chuckles at him

“Because I like you a lot Mark Lee.” Donghyuck raises his head and Mark feels like he’s seeing a sunrise in the middle of winter. “Thank you by the way.” Donghyuck says in earnest. “Didn't know you were just outside creeping on me.”

Mark just plays along and hums as he lays Donghyuck’s head back down on his shoulder.

If he were a patient man he would’ve waited until Donghyuck’s recital to say what he is about to say next. The whole speech he had was half done, and the bouquet of flowers still wasn’t even ordered. But Mark feels Donghyuck’s hand in his, head on his shoulder, how he holds him close, how he just says that he likes him so much out of the blue. He remembers what he learned from Lucas and Winwin’s stories about letting the feeling guide it, a little planning not too bad but in this moment Mark knows not to wait.

“Let’s go on a date Hyuck.”

He was expecting a moment of silence but Donghyuck turns to look at him fast, blush clearly on his face. All the words that come from those soft lips of his are just “Eh?”

Mark full on laughs at how Donghyuck never ceases to surprise him and how adorable he looks clueless. He places his hand on the back of Donghyuck’s head as he leans in for a kiss.

There it is again, the soft lips, Mark thinks, they're blessing. It takes a while for Donghyuck to return it, still in shock a little, but when he does he’s reminded of how much he loves feeling Mark smile against him and how lucky he is and how beautiful the boy is in front of him.

They pull away after a while and Mark’s sitting with his body fully facing Donghyuck, who although no longer having that shocked expression, is still expectant with what Mark’s about to say next.

With what little speech Mark has prepared he says anyway. “I wanted to ask for a long time Hyuck and I know it sounds a little silly considering what we’ve already been doing…”

“You mean going out, making out and cuddling?” Donghyuck teases with a smile.

Mark coughs, “..ahem..yes…that. Anyway I just wanted to be sure and I wanted for you to feel that too. And maybe we already had a first date but I’m still asking now because…because…”

The words are escaping him a little so Donghyuck gather both of his hands onto his and presses a warm kiss to his fingers. Mark takes a deep breath.

“Because you make me feel so sure Hyuck. Not because of any plan or any definite words. It’s because you just make me feel it with how you smile and laugh at me. How you took all of my bullshit and spend so much time with me. It means a lot Hyuck,” He’s leaning his forehead against Donghyuck, momentarily closing his eyes. “It really does.”

Time Mark thinks, is so important but he realized with everything that happened to him in the past few months, that time feels important because of how you love yourself in the stream of it and how the people who care for you can make you feel that every moment lived is important.

One of the best things is that someone looks at you and makes you realize to closely consider yourself too.

“I had this whole speech planned out but I couldn’t help it Hyuck. I can’t live another minute without us knowing that we’ll be so sure together.”

Now that was cheesy Mark has to admit. But he looks up and Donghyuck is crying with a smile on his face so maybe it doesn't matter.

Donghyuck pulls him into another kiss, this one a little more his style, wilder and more full of life. Mark returns it with as much love as he can possibly put to the front of his lips. Love. He realizes. Maybe that would be for a later conversation, somewhere down the road as long as it’s with Donghyuck.

“How could you expect me to say no after that Romeo?” Donghyuck says, as he wraps an arm around Mark’s waist, the bag of chips set off to the side.

Mark didn’t expect him to say no but he was more glad that in the moment of it all he didn’t feel nervous. All he thought of was Donghyuck and how honest he wanted to be with him.

They were silent for a bit after that, listening to the sound of the river lazily sloshing in front of them and the tap of boots of the parkgoers on the sidewalks.

“So you have any date requests in mind?” Mark asks, curious.

Donghyuck taps his chin, “Mmmm an amusement park? More movie nights? The beach?”

“The beach in the middle of winter?” Mark asks sarcastically.

Donghyuck hits his arm but then strokes it tenderly, “No of course not…..when summer comes I’d love to go.”

When summer comes and the many summers after that, Mark would love to go too.

“Mark Lee?” Donghyuck speaks up.

“Yeah?”

Another kiss to his cheek, Donghyuck couldn’t help it, “If I fall any more than this I’m holding you responsible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys that's it!!! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the whole story and if you have any prompts or requests please let me know. Don't be shy! And as always, stay safe, healthy and happy!


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